Chapter 11

July 25, 2014 Since July 21, when Dzerzhinsk was taken back by Ukraine and the DPR was removed from our town, I have been seeing UA army men all over the city.  I don’t want to be intimidated by them, I want to HELP them, since our U.S. government is a sham, to say the least.  It is a sick joke their threats to RU while UA people are slaughtered.  The army doesn’t have equipment, to fight off the Goliath of RU.  So, today was an interesting encounter.  God’s timing and my hearing and obeying was key to this situation. 

I continue to be in awe of how God works things out.  I needed to make a couple of stops today, get paint at the home store, some gas, talk to Yelena (a friend and translator), and exchange a ripped in half 20 gh.  So the path I took was nothing planned, just the timing was what was important, had I taken a different path, different route, things would not have unfolded at they did.  So first stop to the Home Store.  As I passed the Route 20, gas station, all seemed normal.  Got to the home store, and bought more house paint, and some screws to fix some molding.  As a left, passing the Route 20, I noticed that there were 4 military men at the station, 2 at each opening, and cars blocking the entrance.  Hummm, I wonder what is going on, but I had no time, I needed to get to the bank, and talked to Yelena, who said she would ask the bank director about ‘what’ was going on at the Route 20, as she is friends with the owner.   They didn’t have a response.  I get the 20gh exchanged for a new one, and go back out to the van, where, I see 2 vans approaching, and I see guns sticking out the windows, and UA flags flying.   To say the least, I’m concerned…and then they pull off, literally 200 meters from me.  One man dressed in a local police uniform jumps out and heads to the ATB, the local grocery.   So I decided to just SIT in the van, pretending to wait on ‘someone’, but more interested to see ‘what’ is going on.   I text Yelena and let her know what is going on, so she can ask and see if anyone in the bank knows what is going on.    She responses, with no one knows anything~~ So about 5 minutes pass, and 2 more truck loads of men come up the road and join in the line of vehicles.  I decide to get a better look, so I drove up to the ATB parking, which was in front of the vehicles, and then I was able to look back and see what was happening.  Just as I passed the policemen came up from the ATB and got in the van.  I was able to see them pass, but nothing unusual.  

These Ukrainian soldiers are new to our town, as we have been DPR occupied for the last 4 months.  My curiousity is getting the best of me, as I would really like to ‘do something’ and be of some sort of help to the UA military.  I wait an few minutes and decide to drive past the police station, maybe something over there…but nothing over there…nothing out of the ordinary, people standing out front, no unusual vehicles, and none of the vans of soldiers.    I knew that there were military men at the stadium, as Yelena’s mom lives across the street from the stadium, and she had told me that some army men were staying there.  So I decided to do a ‘drive by’ and see if I could see anything.    As I slowly go past the stadium, all is very usual…then I see on the side of the road 4 military men.  There is a bus in front of me that stops literally just past the men, thus my van is stopped for the bus, and the 4 men are directly on my right.   This is my God opportunity, this is my chance, so I look out the window, and one of the men and I catch an eye, and I smile at him and give him the ‘thumbs up.’  He smiles back and gives me the ‘thumbs up’.   The bus moves, and I need to move, so I move forward, and I see the men cross the street behind me.    I think, I have planted the seed in this man’s head…and he responded in a friendly way…so I ‘whip’ into the old sports club parking lot and turn around, back down the street, I see the men at a little kiosk.  I pull to the side of the road, and the one that smiled at me, saw me and I motioned him to the car.  I tried to explain in my poor Russian, that I would like to help the UA army in any way.  He raised his eye brow, and motioned over another man and said something to him, they both moved closer to the car, and they said, I should go down to the stadium and talk to their commanding officer.  I told them I did not want to do this alone.  So the next thing, I know there is the smiling soldier sitting in my van, gun, grenade, knife, the WHOLE works, and he is motioning me to go forward towards the stadium.  We arrived to the stadium, and he jumped out and went to a side entrance and tried to motion someone to come to the gate.  When he got no response, he returned to the van, and motioned for me to go to the side entrance.  It was well hidden, and I would not have found this on my own, nor would I have ventured to even go there alone.   There were 6 men standing guard, and even with their fellow comrade in the van with me, they motioned for me to ‘STOP’, with their guns.  Of course, I immediately stopped, and he jumped from the van, and explained to the men who I was and what I wanted.    One motioned for me to park the van, while the original soldier told me to ‘Wait’ he was going to get their commander.   About 5 minutes later, a very tall man, wearing a tee shirt with the word ‘ARMY’(written in English) comes out of the stadium area with 2 other men.  They approach me and introduce themselves.  They all speak English, though the commander has the best skills.   He was very kind, and ask ‘how can WE help YOU?’  I explained that I was probably the last American here in the oblast, but that I wanted to help in any way, to help the UA army with this war.  I explained that I couldn’t do much, but that I could cook, clean, wash laundry and even offer a place that the men could come and relax and have a hot shower.  The commander, Andrei, explained that Dzerzhinsk was the place that the soldiers would come AFTER battle to ‘regroup’, clean up, eat, sleep, and rest.  I offered him my business card, and in turn, he said, ‘here is my personal cell number, if you need ANYTHING at all, if you feel threatened, you feel unsafe, just CALL me, and I will send out some men to your place, I know where you live.’ That statement startled me a bit…’I know where you live.’

Seems they did know where ‘we’ are, since the separatist had shelled School #2, which is just about 4 blocks from the center.  He called me to make sure that I had his number, and then we talked a bit more, as he explained that his battalion was doing ‘damage control’, since we had no police in our town, that they would be staying and acting as the police to keep up crime out of  Dzerzhinsk.  They would be interviewing new men for police force work, and they would NOT be leaving until they had a honest, solid group in place to be our new police.  Also, he specifically said that he ‘had food to give away’, if I could help with that, and of course, I said ‘yes’.   We parted, and I really feel much better knowing that they are here.   God’s perfect timing for the meeting that was supposed to take place on this day!

Chapter 10

Monday – 7-21-14  – God hide me under the feathers of your large wings – protect me and your followers from the evil in this world.       

8:15 a.m. A friend called telling me that the Ukrainian army would be in Dzerzhinsk today, and that I needed to prepare to ‘go under’ if needed, as they would be hitting all of Dzerzhinsk.   I thanked him, and though much was already packed, I got dressed, washed my face and hands, prepared breakfast, and cleaned everything that needed cleaning, flushing toilets, dishes, since we would most like lose power and who knows when that would be restored, I was told they were going to turn off the water to the city and gas, in fear of gas explosions (smart), so I had everything prepared for the cellar, food, water, clothing, the house was locked down, as was the children’s center…I could hear machine guns and bombs in the not so far distance,  it was so scary.  The unpredictability of it all, is what is scary. Just don’t know ‘where’ they are aiming. There was no one to call, my family was asleep in the U.S., I didn’t want to scare them, there was nothing they could do for me, but pray, and be terrified and I didn’t want to put that burden on them.  I prayed, and prayed some more…and prayed some more.  God knows the future, and I must rest in Him, knowing that He is with me.  Being alone was not my desire.  Being alone in a war was DEFINITELY not my desire.

9:30 a.m. The gunfire is so loud and seems to be getting closer, though I don’t visibly see anything, just hear the noises of war.   There is whistling noises for rockets, and constant machine guns.   I ran over to the center to look out the top window of the center, as I can see all the way to the city center (1.5 mile),  from the 2^nd story windows…  There is heavy black smoke coming from the downtown area of Dz..  Also appears as though there is some smoke near our only local hospital, Lenin Hospital.  Not a lot, but some.  The noise is louder from up there.   I did some filming, if I die, at least someone will know what I have lived through.  No one is on the streets, a few neighbors went in the yards to look towards the town center, but I think I have the best view from the 2^nd story window.

9:45 a.m…. oh my goodness, a HUGE BOOM…I lose internet….they probably hit the electric plant down town but I can’t see.  The house just shook, and the noise is incredibly loud.

10:30 a.m.   Lost all power. Another huge boom and lots of black smoke coming from the down town area…All the shooting seems to be pointed in the downtown area, just 1.5 miles from me, but I can see it all from the center window. 

11:15 a.m.  planes are flying over head; this is all new to me, but I guess this is what an air strike is, …those are not pleasant…very loud, and starts with a big bang,  then a whistling noise for about 6 sec. then it impacts their target, BOOM.   Over and over,  I can hear the planes overhead, and then they come in for a hit on the target.  It is really scary.

Walking back from the center to the house, I could hear the airplanes over head, so I stopped in the yard to film the air strike, I knew they would be shooting towards town.  I looked up, and could see the plane fly in, turn sharply like 180, and then shoot towards the center of town, I could actually see them firing…it was interesting though I don’t like war, but it was interesting to see this.   I ran back inside.  I wonder how long this will continue, and I constantly talk and pray, since I’m alone, I just talk out loud to God constantly, thanking Him for His love and protection…now I pray for Pastor Sasha and Marina, Valia, Tonya, the many disabled people who have no ability to take appropriate shelter and all my friends living in the center of town…it is all so scary for them, as they are right in the middle of the immediate shelling. 

1:30 p.m.– still shelling, this has been going on for hours, and is waring on me, must be fierce fighting…I can hear gunfire, and small arms being fired.  Oh, I so hope that UA army can ‘take’ these guys…I’m so tired of living like this.   I try to call a few people that live in the downtown, but there are no connections or service at all….

4:00 p.m. –  shelling has finally slowed down, and I’m not even going to the center, children should know we are NOT open…goodness.  They need to stay off the streets, at all cost.   I have decided to try to use my modem to get an internet connection.    I bought this external modem years ago, when there was no internet in the area.  It was useful at one time, and so I kept it thinking that maybe one day I may need.  So I plugged it in, and allowed it to reset.  It is going to take a few minutes so, I decide to take a shower, because with no power, they may cut the water too, so since I have water, better get a shower now while it is still ‘light’…

5:00 p.m. – working on trying to get my computer to recognize the modem for over an hour.  I stand at the bedroom window trying to pick up a connection…I can still hear fighting in the distance, probably ‘new york’, as UA military are trying to clear that separatists block post.   I hear the planes…the usual ‘motice operendi’ is that there is ground battle, then they call in the big guns and the planes finish them off.  So in the distance, I could hear the plane(s) getting ready to fire on the target.  I heard the usual BANG, and then all of a sudden I hear breaking glass and splitting wood.  I could tell, the house had been hit, and there I was standing at the window like a ‘sitting duck’!  I dropped to the floor and crawled over to the other side of the bed so that the bed frame and mattress could possibly protect me.  I lay there for about 7 minutes till the planes are gone, and then I got up to see what was hit.  The living room window frame was hit, and then I see that the shelving unit of the T.V. was hit.  I slowly opened the drawer and I could see the damage of the wood.  I followed the damage, pulling the drawer out, and there lay a bullet in the bottom of the cabinet!   Just 5 meters from where I was standing, and I had just come through there not 10 minutes before, and after showering.    I keep looking at the trajectory of that bullet…  God is amazing, as that would have hit me about thigh high, as I walked right though it’s path.  That gives me the chills!  I’m thanking God for divine protection.   I’m giving up on the internet for now, I’m mentally exhausted from the day, and just read and pray!

8 p.m.  still no electricity, but we do have water, so I can cook and eat and clean up, and prepare for a long night of no internet and no talking to family and NO charging phones, etc.  I call a family friend and ask him to send Rich a message about the ‘war and that I’m O.K..   Love to him. !! ‘    He gladly does this, and is concerned for me.  I assure him, that I’m as ‘fine as fine can be’, under the circumstances.    Though physically fine, mentally I’m shaken from the earlier bullet coming through the window; but I can’t let my family know this, they are 7000 miles away and can’t help me, so to tell them this, would just upset them more.  So I make all assurances that I’m ‘o.k.’ and that I’m fully prepared to leave, or do whatever I need to do. 

Tuesday – 7-22-14

WOW, what a night… booms throughout the night, but not on Dz. but in the distance;  no electricity, and my phone is almost dead.  Computer battery is almost gone too, so I’m being very careful.  Hoping power to be restored today.  

2 p.m.   POWER BACK<<<   yeah, don’t know for how long, so must recharge everything quickly.    Didn’t lose any food, as I never opened the frig. but once.  Now to work on internet…..nothing, but at least we have electricity……. The day is somewhat quiet, so I decide that I need to do some ‘house’ work, so the house needs painting, but scraping is first.  I spend the afternoon scraping paint from my house.  I’m sure when I die, I will probably glow in the dark from all the lead I have inhaled, as they use lead in their paint.  Since kids haven’t come to the center for a few days, I’m trying to stay busy.    Maintenance on 3 houses is a lot for one person, between the yards, external work, interior cleaning, it’s almost full time, and when something big needs to be done, like painting, tilling the garden for spring; it is only me that is going to do it.  I can’t rely on or expect the center director to do these jobs.  So I take this time to paint the little house and our house ‘trim’ work.

We have booms, usually at night…all night…night is not my friend, and I can’t sleep at all…very difficult.  Between the sounds and occasional flashes of light, it is impossible to sleep. 

7-23-14 a.m. still no internet….but we do have power, so that is good.  

Finally internet at the center only late in the day…can send a message to the family!!  Things are quiet here with only moments of machine gun fire, and intermittent, unexpected booms in the distance.    Yesterday I scraped the house, so needing to stay busy, I purchased the paint, and am preparing to paint the exterior of the my house, and window trim.  After scraping it last night, and now I’m fixing all the lose bricks and stones…I even went to the other house and fixed the foundation stone work!…but it will look great, I’m excited to start painting. 

For a visual image, here I am, the lone American in this town,  booms and bombs going off in the distance, and I’m up on a ladder painting my house!  I’m sure the neighbors think I’m crazy!!   And as a matter of fact, my neighbor does come out one time, yelling something at me between bombs.  I told her I was bored and needed to ‘do’ something; she laughed at me and returned inside. 

7-24-14 – A few years ago, we had a fire in our surii, which is somewhat like an outside storage house or room.  We housed aid and some tools in the house.  After the fire, we were able to salvage very little, but was able to retrieve a metal ladder, though the rubber ends had melted away.  That ladder was about the doom of me…while I was up 15 ft. painting the window encasement, the ladder shifted.  I wasn’t ready for that, it started to slide sideways down the house, but I was able to hold on, all while holding the paint!     One big scare…So back to praying in all things…so praying for safety to FINISH this job.  It looks really nice, so I can’t stop now.  My plan to complete this job today fell short, completing the front and back, but running out of paint for the side…more paint tomorrow….

Chapter 9

There are many things that I used to classify as ‘noise’.  Noise can be anything from temporary things, such as a car pulling up next to me at a stop light playing loud music, to things that distract us from what we really want or should do, to actual audible noise.  We already established that Russians know I, as an American, live in Dzerzhinsk, and I’m not supportive of their invasion.  I have had my phone ‘tapped’; strange men have walked up and down my street, standing outside the children’s center; cars with dark tinted windows have stopped in front for periods of time…I understand this danger, but God provided the funds for this ministry, and me being here does keep the property safe.  No one wants a scandal to hurt or harm an American woman; so I stay here to protect the building and the houses, and allow the ‘center’ to be a refuge for those who need help.  Since our phone communications have been ‘tapped’, Rich and I have come up with code words to convey the real situation and possible danger that is around me.   For us, the word ‘noise’ has been the code word for ‘shooting or shelling’.  We have words like, ‘I’m going to go down under’, which to any person would mean, that I’m going to New Zealand or Australia, but for us that means, I’m going in the cellar, thus Rich knows the ‘noise’ is pretty bad.  I only ‘go down under’ when it is unpredictable that the house may be ‘hit’ by shelling or stray artillery.  We have other code words, but since the war continues, I really can’t share them here. 

7-19-2014

Today was ‘noisy’.  Noisy, is our way of telling people that we were ‘shelled’ without actually saying that.  There was shelling most of the day, all day, and we could hear it in the distance…people say it was Ukraine shelling the separatists checkpoints of Konstyinavka and maybe the ones on the way to Gorlovka and Kardomfka too!!!  One thing one needs to remember, is if Ukraine military is firing at the DPR, that means they are firing ‘at’ Dzerzhinsk, because we are under the control of the DPR.  The likelihood of an exact aim is almost impossible, so hitting something in the surrounding area is quite possible.    The U.S. Embassy has already warned me that I am ‘here on my own’, they don’t recommend me being or staying here, and ‘they aren’t coming after me’, if I need help.  Comforting thought…not, but if I leave, it is too unpredictable what will happen.

The noise is intense, the windows are shaking and my supplies are ready, if I need to get in the cellar.   I have a rain poncho, my rubber ‘high’ boots and black socks, a Styrofoam cooler with flannel sheets, some food, utensils and napkins, matches, candles, a whistle, a hammer, one bucket, 2 folding chairs, light and extension cord (plugged in), change of clothing, toilet paper, some plastic sheets, a few plastic bags for trash, and WATER.  I have a broom laying next to the cellar, and a large crowbar.  If I must get in, I won’t close the door all the way, but lay the broom down to allow air to come in and if something were to fall on the house, at least there is some opening for someone to find me.    I have told several people, ‘if there is bombing in Zabalka (my district of town), and you don’t hear from me…assume I’m STUCK in the cellar and can’t get out.’  Just saying that sends a chill…but it is reality. I keep my computer, along with my phones plugged in at  time to keep them fully charged at all times.  It is scary to think through all this, I don’t like to think about it at all; and never in my years did I think going to Ukraine to minister to orphans would take me down this detour.  To think that 6 months ago, no one saw this coming, all was ‘activities at usual’, and all due to the greed of one world leader, and the mess the UA government was in at the time, Russia jumped at the chance to seize weak and unsuspecting Ukraine. Seeing this happen, and basically no one coming to Ukraine’s aid, was shocking. A treaty broken, a country invaded, UA citizens being randomly shot if they questioned ‘what was going on’…no one seemed to care, thought it was isolated to Crimea, when all along Putin had big plans…plans to go into the east for a land grab with the Donetsk and Lughansk oblast which boarder Russia. God calls us to ‘GO’, we are only told to ‘obey’ and never once do you read about people praying for protection when they ‘went out’ to minister to people.  People say, ‘I’m praying for your safety’ and I do appreciate that, but New Testament Biblically speaking, praying for ‘safety’ isn’t there.  Where does Paul, Peter, John, etc. pray that the path to share the gospel is easy, safe, without rejection, persecution; I can’t find that; we are just called to ‘go and share the gospel of Jesus Christ’, what happens… happens, God is with me.  So far, God has protected me, providing a hedge of protection, I continue to trust Him for my time here, or my time to ‘leave’.    But for right now, my mind is racing with the noise outside, and I watch from the 2^nd story window of the center to see if I can see the direction of the bombs. 

In the hours after the airliner being shot down, a video surfaced, and I watched it. Clearly, it was filmed in Torez, having been there many times, I knew they were in that town. The men were laughing, and talking on the phone/radio to someone about what they were doing. They were given an order to ‘fire’, and you could hear and then see the missile…then moments later, you can hear the man on the phone curse and say, that was an airliner, NOT a UA military they shot down. You can hear several men cursing at each other at their ‘mistake’…This video has since ‘disappeared’ from the internet, when it was found to be so damaging to Russia. It is sad that the terrorist may not be held accountable for their murder of 300 people on that airliner….as Putin is scurrying to get that BUK missile launcher out of UA and back to RU.   What I can’t figure out, is how people can’t see this for what it is…it is like, do they WANT these terrorists to be their leaders…someone who will just go out and shoot you for what ever they trump up as a charge…no courts, no justice…just guilt and sentencing without a trial??   Pastors being kidnapped and questioned, or worse murdered… arbitrary taxes, curfews, basically they just make up the rules as they ‘go’ along….and it is amazing that perfectly intelligent people support this ridiculous ideology!   People are so ‘bent’ on NOT going with the EU, they are willing to go the extreme opposite and blindly follow this ‘little man.’

Sunday – 7-20-14

War noises have become more frequent, and seem to be getting closer…Gorlovka has been hit hard, and the UA army is trying to get the separatists block posts cleared out… I try to stay busy.  We have church at the children’s center, and 22 show up!  It is a good service, though I still think that Pastor talks too long.  He needs to learn to make his point, and stop going over and over the same points, it bores people after a while and then they just shut down.   Lera came to church, so that was good!    Later, more kids arrive, but by 5:30-6 they get really loud and unruly, so I have been sending them home.  Without a translator, it is difficult at best to work with them.  Trying to maintain ‘order’, do activities with them, and calm their fears; as their ‘go to’, is to be loud, trying to dispel the noise.  Later in the evening, the ‘noise’ is even louder, and it seems that it is getting closer to Dzerzhinsk.  Then about 9 p.m. an eerie silence falls on us, and it was ‘quiet’ the rest of the night…

Chapter 8

July 18, 2014

Before I take the car out, I pray over the it.  I know that may sound strange to some, but living in a war zone, where people are stepping on land mines, where there are signs along the road warning travelers of ‘MINES’.  You never really know who or what may appear on the side of the road with a gun, demanding your documents, and possibly you and/or your car; it is basically foolish if not arrogant, NOT to pray.  God is here, but God has allowed this land to reap the consequences of decades of poor leadership, and turning their backs on Him.  This is what it looks like…not a pretty picture…scary at best.   

Today I needed to go to Novghovroske, aka, ‘New York’, but I can’t take the car there, it is too risky.  The separatists have constructed a road block, and everyone must stop and they have been known to just eject people from their vehicles, and just ‘take’ them.   I would use the word ‘confiscate’, but that would infer some sort of ‘right’ to take the vehicle, these people have no rights, and deserve no respect for this illegal, hostile invasion.  But, life goes on, and I need to get to ‘New York’ to pay for the internet.  I can’t risk having no internet due to ‘failure to pay’.  I decided to get up early in the morning, walk the ½ mile to the bus stop and take the bus.  I’m alone, no translator, and though I can navigate the bus, and the office that I’m going to, if the separatist stop the bus, I’m in trouble.  As the bus pulls up, it is packed with people, not a seat in sight, wall to wall people.  I squeeze in and end up standing.  As we travel down the once smooth road, now quite bumpy from the numerous tanks traveling back and forth to the front lines, I glance at the people around me. Wondering what they think of all this, how they are coping, no one dares to converse, we all know what is coming in 5-7 minutes…the block post, where anything can happen. Praying the entire way as the road is still blocked by separatists.  The bus slowly pulls up to the checkpoint, the ‘soldiers’ (a very loose term for these men) sit there all haughty, like they are ‘somebody’, with their stolen cars…like, it isn’t very difficult to take someone’s car, if you are pointing a gun at them; I can only imagine, if I was on the bus and I saw my car sitting there, I would probably jump out of my skin, wanting to go and GET it from them.  The driver comes to a stop, and a large shirtless man boards the bus, I look down, intentionally not making eye contact with him, as one only knows if he is a ‘local’, he may recognize me, and pull me from the bus. He ‘barks’ out a few things, but no one replies, and the he just backs off the bus. We get through the check point without further confrontation.  Thank you Lord.   

Standing the entire way to the bus station, we finally arrive, and most everyone departs. I get to the internet office and it was closed!!…there is a number on the door, so I calling them I am told that they moved their office to Dzershinsk.!   Waste of 2 hours and 6 ghrivas.  Back to the bus station, wait for the bus, get back on the bus, back to Dzerzhinsk, walk home, get the van and go to the local internet office.  Thank God for the safe travel, but a lot of time wasted.  Got to the office and paid the internet, then decided that while I was in town, better pick up a few things at the grocery. I usually do not venture out to the grocery in the middle of the day, as there are too many ‘soldiers’ on the streets, and most anyone in Dzerzhinsk that knows me, knows I’m ‘the’ American, that lives there. Entering the store, the first thing I notice is that what little there is on the shelves, most are bare, with little selection of any products.  Prices have sky rocketed, due to the delivery trucks not chancing the road and roadblocks to get to Dzerzhinsk.  Many times they are hijacked and products are taken for the separatists.  Many distributors have refuse to come out our way at all; merchants boosted prices in an effort to make what little money they can, but shelves are usually only one or 2 products deep. It is not uncommon to be at the grocery and ‘soldiers’ walk through just taking items and walking out.  They may walk in and go straight to the check out, taking a few beers, and several packs of cigarettes and walking out. Everyone just glares at them in disdain, but no one says a word. Sometime the ‘grannies’ will make unkind remarks to them about their behavior, but for the most part, everyone is quiet. Most of these ‘soldiers’ will walk in front of others even if they are paying; or enter the store, gather a few items, and walk out.  I have finally found a few things to purchase, and head for the check out. At the check out three men walked in front of me, I just glared at them, wishing to say something to them, but knowing that may have serious consequences.  Instead I prayed for their weak minds, that they would be enlightened some way to the truth of this invasion and leave the group.  Each of them had a machine gun tossed over their shoulders, 2 were shirtless.  That was probably the first time I was that close to a machine gun, basically inches from my body, and though I do believe ‘perfect love casts out fear’, it did spark a shudder in my heart, but not the men who carried it.  We have heard of people dying due to the lack of training given to the ‘separatists’.  Some boys, just 17, 18 years old given a gun that could kill 10-20 in seconds, in addition that most of their equipment had not been maintained, was old, and probably things like the trigger ‘safety’ may not even work properly.   The 3 in front of me were not teens, they were probably in their late 20’s, early 30’s. They had beer, liquor, meat, cheese and chips, and then grabbed some cigarettes from the check out area.  Two paid, one did not, and he was laughing at the other 2 for paying.

Before returning home, I headed over to the gas station to see if they had gas today. Since trucks are not able to get through, gas is in short supply. Praying on the way there, Praise the Lord, the station was open and allowing for just 10 liter’s. I was able to get gas for the weed eater, and a little for the car, then off the bank to exchanged money, as one never knows the future, and banks may be open one day, closed the next. My friends in Crimea said that their local bank closed, and they lost ALL their money, as they had a bank account with money in it. Separatists ceased the bank, and no one was allowed in to withdraw their money. They lost everything. Luckily, I closed my account before the separatists moved into Dzerzhinsk, I didn’t want to take any chances of that happening to me. But I still needed to exchange dollars for ghrivas, to be able to purchase things in town. The bank was exchanging today, so I was able to exchange and returned home. 

My task for the afternoon was to make apricot jam.  Made 7 – ½ quarts…not bad for only the cost of the sugar, since the apricots were all free from the local trees!!   Every night I take a walk to the end of the street and pick apricots.  Seems that someone may have lived there at one time, as the trees seem to be in specific areas and there is a clearing in the middle, like there could have been a house there at one time…   There are apple, plum, cherry, apricot, and berry trees all right there, and free for the taking!!!   I go every night a have picked buckets full.  I freeze them and use them in my protein shakes!  I started drinking protein shakes when food became so expensive and scarce.  I bought a little hand blender, and I’m fully prepared, if we lose all food products, I can survive about 2 months on fruit, yogurt and these shakes.  Thank you God for this wonderful harvest!!   

July 17, 2014

We had a quiet day today until 7 pm. When my oldest son, Dallas called from the U.S., sharing the sad news that a Malaysian Airliner was shot down by what appears to be the separatists using RU ‘land to air’ BUK missile.  The flight was traveling from RU to Amsterdam, with most passengers being Dutch, 294 people were killed on the plane. It was shot down over Toraz, a town we know very well.   This town is home to the Toarz ‘Rehabilitation’ Hospital, and an orphan Internot where we have served women, and children classified as ‘invalids’, since 2004.  I say ‘rehabilitation’ hospital, because children enter, but never leave, unless they are being transferred out.  In all the years of association with them, I never once saw any PT or OT work going on with anyone.  Our relationship with the facility was fractured when we were approached by The London Times to do an undercover story on the facility and the conditions that the residents are made to live in .  I escorted a group to the facility, where a photojournalist took over 3000 photos of the women, and children; the facility, the food, and care, or lack there of.  After the story hit the press, sadly we were told we could not return to the facility.  Though we have been to this town probably 60 times, provided thousands of dollars in aid, formed relationships with children; we were forbidden to return.   And now a plane has been shot down in the fields just kilometers from these facilities. We don’t have much news on this, as our new is controlled by russia. I must rely on my family and friends around the world to tell me what is going on… But, it is just shocking; it is like what is this world coming to at all.   And Syria invaded the Gaza strip…parallel it, RU and Crimea, it is like tanks vs., sticks.!!   Who will come to their aid?  Who will help them in their time of need?   Who will help us in our time of despair.??   We only have 5 stones to kill this Goliath! God help us!  It is an outrage!

July 12, 2014

Saturday, July 12, first full day back in Dzerzhinsk, I’m not sure what to expect, but it started out quiet… a good day, until the bombs started about 1:30 p.m..  Three loud bombs, one could hear in the distance.  I shutter, and wonder what this is going to be like.  Saying a quick prayer of protection, I go about my business with the kids at the center, playing games.   Then around 4 p.m. SEVERAL bombs went off close to us.  We ran outside to see what we could see, but saw nothing, but we could tell was close; and by close that means a-2 miles from us.  Kids called their parents to let them know they were o.k, and then they all headed home.   It’s amazing how this ‘war’ has effected us, one minute we are all playing, having fun, the next, we are terrified and running in all directions for ‘cover’.  This constant, fear of the next BOOM, when and where it may strike, is what causes PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It is abundantly clear to me that I’m beginning to see the signs of this. The ‘unknown’ causes the stress. Things are calm, and then from no where, with no warning a bomb goes off. Children continue to show little emotion, unless the shelling is very close when the windows shake.  They seem numb to the chaos.

The center is quiet, as are the streets.  No one ventures out on the streets where they have an enforced 7:00 p.m. curfew.   I think about a plan…what to do ‘in the event’, that I have to leave quickly.  Most of what I brought in the suitcases was stuff to live on, if I had to, and a few clothes, and gifts for others, so I use one of the suitcases to pack a few things, get all my documents ready, something to eat…all things that I must think about, living in a war zone.  Everything is very unpredictable.    I hear bombs in the distance most of the night behind the closed windows.  I dare not to open a window, in fear that someone could jump the fence ad come through the window; I don’t even sleep with a fan on, so I can hear everything…I want to hear everything, as if someone is jumping the fence, I would not be able to hear much of anything with the fan on.  I lay there, thanking God for the safe journey, and reflect that just 48 hours earlier, I lay in the safe comforts of my bed in my U.S. home.  I think about my family, my life in the U.S., and how ‘this’ is 180 degrees different. But then there are many people living in such conditions around the world, we are just insulated to that in the U.S. I stay in close contact with my U.S. ‘connections’ to let them know what I am experiencing, not spying, but what is really going on here on ‘the ground….at the front.’ If possible, I stay in contact with my family every day, and sometimes 2x a day. They all have been here so many times, so when we talk they know exactly where I am, ‘who’ I’m meeting with, ‘where’ I’m going; but they don’t know the danger around me…and I only share what is really going on with my husband, as to not scare our kids.

7–14-14 – Chores

Regardless of what is going on, people continue to move through life.  Being gone took its toll on the yards.  I have so much work to do.  No one of those that are here ‘helping me’, do much outside, most people stay inside with their windows closed, blinds drawn.  But I have to deal with these yards, as if I wait too long, they will be unmanageable and we will have mice, and maybe rats.   The grass at the house is at least 3 feet high, but the center has more people moving in and out of it so I tackle the Children’s Center first, since kids may want to play outside, though I don’t see that happening, due to the unpredictable ‘noise’.…The weed eater isn’t working right, and I just have to stop and pray over it, ‘God, I NEED it to work’, that is the bottom line…I need to get this work done. As the condition of the yard, may or may not attract these DPR people to think that no one is living in this nice house and they may just come and try to ‘take it.’   Praying over a weed eater, probably sounds pretty crazy to any normal person, but when you live in place where things are changing daily; the condition of your yard and house matters.  Praise the Lord, the weed-eater starts, and I am able to get the center  yard done.  The center yard is about 1 acre, so cutting that with a weed eater, takes a little over 2 hours.  I’m exhausted, but I need to keep going, as I have this thing working, and I’m already dirty, so I must continue.  UGH!   Since our house and the center share a back yard gate,  I move over to our house and continue.  It’s difficult, as the grass is really more like weeds, and it is thick!   I’m hoping that the ‘string’ will hold out and cut through these thick ‘weeds’.   I get the front yard completed and move to the back, as it needs it…but I run out of gas.   I’m exhausted, my back is killing me, and I’m filthy, to say the very least.  I have no time to go and get gas to finish tonight, as the kids will arrive soon, and after they leave, everything ‘shuts down’ by the 7 p.m. curfew.  I’m glad that I have these abilities, to cut grass, but sometimes it is a lot to do, even for me.  The weed eater is big and heavy to help, but thankfully, I’m able to do this. Tomorrow, I will finish.     I run in to clean up, as kids will arrive to the center soon.

Lera, 13, a pleasant girl, arrives to the center at 3.  Her parents are divorced, mom in Russia trying to work, father in Dz.  She has an older brother, and wonderful grandparents that tend to take care of her most of the time.   I pray for her, as she is easily pulled by the world, and her family; she WANTS to believe, but they don’t want her to be anything but Orthodox.   Lera participates in Bible study, comes to the center every day we are open, and loves to be involved in our activities. 

Olya and Rada, sisters, 12 and 13 also arrive.  Olya and Rada have 2 brothers, Artur (10), and Bogdan (6), who is autistic, though the family won’t admit to that due to the stigma of that ‘label’.  Olya is nice, but both Rada and Artur are rude and arrogant.  They don’t appreciate the center, the opportunities that it affords to them, and that we are here to help them become productive citizens, growing to love God and serving those around them…instead of being served.  The sad part, is that they all CAN play nicely, but then at one word they are like oil and water…don’t mix well, start arguing and fighting, sometimes to the point of physical punching.    I’m praying God can use me in some way, even without a translator.    God only knows how this will go, as Lera and this family don’t get along 100%, especially Rada, Artur and Lera.  Lera really tries, but her fuse is short, and the stress of this war doesn’t make it any easier.   The kids tend to get anxious when they hear bombs in the distance, but then who wouldn’t?  Not knowing how to cope with the situation, they end up displacing their frustration on each other, which many times turns to shouting, crying and even punching.   

But, today, is a quiet day, and the kids all play nicely, having our afternoon tea and cookies, working on puzzles.   The ‘noise’ level outside is at a minimum, so our stress level inside is thankfully, low.

Chapter 7

7-11-14

After an uneventful plane ride, I arrived to a rainy Kyiv, and was met by 2 friends trying to talk me out of traveling to Gorlovka and on to Dzershinsk. All I could think, but didn’t say,  ‘like I came this far just to turn around?  O.K.’, so I boarded the train with some apprehension as to ‘who’ would be in the compartment with me…and it was a nice young banker from Krasnarmisk. .  We spoke a bit, but I quickly fell asleep, exhausted from no rest on the plane.  The train stopped may times, so the usual 14 hour train ride turned into 17 hours, but arriving around 10:45 a.m., I was met by Lena, daughter of Pastor Eugenia and Ludmila’s and a driver to take me to the bus station, where upon arrival at the station, seems I missed the last bus to Dzershinsk by just 20 minutes.   Ghorlovka is enemy occupied, thus I’m in enemy territory, the only American for miles and miles…it isn’t safe by any means.  We drove past the police station, the same one they threw the official from the roof while he tried to replace the UA flag, after separatist removed it.  Ludmilla calls trying to persuade me to return to Kyiv, Lena also tried to convince me to ‘RETURN to Kyiv’, I refused.  I felt calmness, I knew God was in control, though literally there was chaos surrounding me.   I could hear gun battles in the distance…hearing machine guns is very unnerving, especially when you don’t know where the noise is coming from, or going to.   You never really get used to this noise, regardless of how much or how long you hear it for.   The repeativeness of machine guns is seared in my brain.    I think about my life, how in the world did it ever go in this direction… then I remember:  “hear am I, send me.’

I made it clear to all the people trying to convince me to return to Kyiv, that I was not leaving, so Lena found a place for me to ‘hide out’.  This was literally like something out of some movie, my head was ‘on a swival’ and I was constantly making mental notes of my surroundings, civilians and ‘military’.  I was then taken to an empty house of a church member, whose son was working in Crimea, and offered the house to me to stay there.  Everyone again tried to talk me out of going on to Dz., saying that there were fires, no electricity, water, or gas.  I listened, but I allowed God to move me in this situation.  To me, it seemed that if I missed the bus and I had a place to stay, I should just stay there until another ‘door’ opened.  This is pretty much the way I operate, God will open and close doors when I need to move or stop…I just have to recognize that it is from God, and to use discernment and wisdom.  It seems I’m in a constant state of mediation to the Lord for direction and wisdom; trust God will make my way clear. 

So here I sit, in this empty house, alone, not knowing the plan, except that I was ‘stay there’, so I decide to call a few friends to let them know I arrived.  One of my oldest friends who I met on my first trip to Dzerzhinsk in 1998, is Tatiana, an official for the local schools and social department, is being treated for cancer; so I decided to give her a call and see how she was doing.  I know that she gets her treatments in Ghorlovka, but had no idea where she was at the moment.  Tatiana answered, but asked if she could call back, saying that she was completing her chemo treatment and that she is in Ghorlivka.   She and I had spoken prior to my arrival in Ghorlivka, planning to return to Dz. together Saturday morning on the bus, if it were going.   But with the ‘war’, the bus schedule is very unreliable. About 2:00p.m., Tatiana returned my call, saying that she was going by private taxi to Dzerzhinsk, and if I wanted a ride, to come along with her.   This was one of those amazing ‘God’ moments. With all the chaos around me, for this to fall in place, I thought, this is God speaking to me; I need to go ahead and go, while I have the opportunity.  I missed the bus, but God provided a safe way for me to get to Dzerzhinsk, with someone who speaks English.  No one, with exception to Tatiana thought me returning to Dz. was a good idea, but still, I felt that if God opened this door, I should walk through it.  I step back to that ‘movie set’, where my head is on the swivel, making note of my surroundings; the plan was to meet at the line of ‘yolka’ (cedar) trees along the road.  There is a traffic light, with a small ‘pull off’ on the road, so I could jump in her taxi there without a lot of attention being drawn to me, in addition, we didn’t want the taxi coming to this house, as if anyone saw me leaving the house, they would know that the owner harbored a foreigner. 

Having just about 45 minutes wait, I decided to take a quick shower, since I had been warned that there was no electricity, water or gas in Dzerzhinsk, and I had not showered for 2 days since I had left the U.S.  I was very thankful for the tepid water, thinking that this may be the last shower for quite sometime. 

Around 4 p.m. Tatiana calls me, signaling me to be at the road in 5-7 minutes.  I stop and pray, may angels go before me, and come behind me…then I drag 2-50lb. suitcases and a carry-on to the tree line to wait.  Praying that no separatists drive by seeing me and stop to question me.  God makes me invisible, or just doesn’t allow anyone to go past me, as Tatiana arrives, and we quickly load the luggage and pull away from the curb…all is well.  Prior to our meeting, Tatiana privately ‘briefed’ me by phone, as she did not want the driver to know he was transporting a foreigner, as he may refuse.  Additionally, she was able to prepare me for the checkpoints, instructing me to say very little, if anything.  From the time I reached the road with my suitcases, to the time we arrived our destination I was praying the entire way we drove though the first checkpoint, which is the worst; usually fully manned, each have guns, young and old, they look very unprofessional, some are even openly drinking beer.  Today there were just 2 men that were checking cars and documents and they didn’t even NOTICE us…invisible, praise the Lord…We continue to head down the road to Dzerzhinsk, passing the big car market , where I purchased my van many years prior, passing the ‘fork’ in the road that goes to Artomosk, veering to the left towards Dzerzhinsk.  We arrived at the second checkpoint, just in front of the railroad track overpass, which had been blown out.  DNR flags are flying, tents set up, and the road well blocked by a maze of tires, we are promptly stopped by a man with a machine gun.  He asks for our passports.  I did not even look at the terrorist, as I didn’t want to give him any respect, since I don’t respect what they are doing in Eastern Ukraine.  He looked closely at my passport, and then handed it back to the driver, telling us to ‘leave’, and off we went, taking the 45-minute detour due to the railway bridge blown out.  Thank you Jesus…The ride is quiet, and if I didn’t know better, the road seemed quite normal.  But then we arrive at the next checkpoint, and the stress starts all over.  Thankfully the checkpoint was basically unmanned, and we drove through, unstopped.  Thank you Jesus.  The final checkpoint we had to go through only looked at the drivers documents, so we were safe.  We finally arrived home to Dzerzhinsk at 5:30 p.m.  A 20 minute drive took 1.5 hours.  

I had the driver drop me at the house, instead of the Children’s Center, as if he saw that place, my fee would have been doubled.  I drag everything inside, not taking the time to unpack or really do anything, I notice that Pastor Sasha is in the Children’s Center yard having Bible study with a couple of kids.  Pastor Sasha, he isn’t really a trained pastor, but more like the only person that would step up to lead this group of people, who want to study the Bible.  We were all a apart of another church at one time, but tension, power struggles, and personality clashes, along with flat out ‘sin’, basically forced a group of us to make the decision to leave.  After 3 years of praying and trying to talk with the leadership of the ‘church’, 9 of us left, forming a small group, that meets at the Children’s Center.  The group has grown from 9 or about 15 +/-.  Sasha has Bible study Wednesday and Friday nights for kids and adults that choose to come, and then Sunday’s they have church at the building. 

Personally, I’m exhausted, I have been awake for approximately 30 hours traveling to get to Ukraine, but Pastor Sasha was having Bible study at the center, so I run over to find he, his wife, and 2 local children.  It was so great to see Marina, his wife helping, as this was a FIRST.  So a praise God for this.  Olya, a young 13 year old girl, the eldest of 4 gypsy children and Aloysha, who we have known since he was 7, an orphan, and invalid, he lives off and on with his grandparents or his sister and her 3 children.  They were listening intently to Sasha as he talked about false teachers.  It was great to see them, but great to see their interest in hearing God’s word.   After they finished up,  Sasha shared with me that the city center has no electricity, as the power sub-station was blown up, and there is no power.  We have power, water, gas and internet, so I’m glad that I came, and hopefully God can use me here to help those that don’t have.  But Sasha making this statement about the city center, tends to make me wonder ‘what’ he thinks, where he stands on all this.  I remember Ludmilla (one of the many people in Ghorlovka trying to talk me out of traveling to Dzerzhinsk)  saying all this, yet we are fine, we have water, we have gas and electricity…so what is all this ‘talk’.  They really had me concerned, but now I see that there is nothing to be concerned about.   Later, I was happy to be able to call Ludmilla and let her know I arrived safely and that all was fine.

Keeping in mind that Dzerzhinsk is under the ruling thumb of the DPR, I must be vigilant about where I go.  Though I made it back to Dzerzhinsk, it still is not safe here, and at any moment men could show up at my gate and demand something from me, money, food, my house, my car, or worse yet, take me.    God sheltered me the trip, I trust Him to continue, but I still must be wise with my actions.  

Chapter 6  

April 14, 2014 was a turning point for the town of Dzerzhinsk, about 300 people had gathered at the town square, in front of the ‘White House’.  Twenty to 30 shouted about the Donetsk People’s Republic (DPR), as many others, just stood there listening.  I even think that some were just out there to observe what was going on, not that they were ‘for or against’ something, but more for curiosity of the situation.  The 20-30 were waving flags, and chanting, and cheering as different city officials, and other overtly loud citizens took turns at the microphone spewing their diatribe about how the situation in Kyiv was terrible, people were losing their ‘rights’ as Russians, that the DPR was a good thing, and that the Ukraine flag should be removed from our ‘White House’ and replaced with that of the DPR.  People just stood there, speechless; not really believing what this radical woman with purple hair was spewing from her mouth.  Then, as under the authority of nothing more then a mob of people, as the mayor had basically excused himself from the podium, a man went running towards the ‘White House’ in the background.  Finding the steps to the roof, he ran to the front of the building, where he promptly removed the Ukrainian flag from our ‘White House’, throwing it off the roof, and a Donetsk People’s Republic (DPR) flag was raised.  Shocked at what I was seeing, but I knew that I could not speak up, though I have been in Dzerzhinsk for 16 years, still I’m considered a ‘guest’, and must act as such.  Additionally, not knowing ‘who’ was in the crowd, I needed to be careful of what I said, and how I said, and to ‘whom’ I said, ‘what’ to.  Watching this unfold before my eyes, I studied the faces of those around me, people didn’t know how to respond, or even ‘if’ to respond.  No one really knew how others that were also standing quietly and watching, felt about the situation.  I wonder to this day, had some resisted, if others would have followed their lead, or physically jumped on those people…but just what would have happened, if someone would have taken an initiative and said something.  I did notice that anyone that got to the microphone and started to question the mob, and those who spoke against the DPR, were quickly removed from the stage area. This, in itself, was probably indicative enough to show others that they needed to stay quiet or something could happen to them.   And of course, then basically the whole town knows ‘which side’ you are on, and anything could ‘happen’ to you, at any time or place in the future.  The people finally disbursed, and we went home, oblivious what this event meant for our future. 

Within days, the few barriers around our town were removed, and more and more separatists freely appeared, setting up living quarters in the local technical school.  If they needed something, they freely took it, whether it be a place to stay, or food to eat.  Vehicle check points to review everyone’s documents were set up around town, as they took over public governmental offices, some workers fled in fear, others tried to maintain their jobs.  Those that resisted, were just physically removed to the street.  Our local police did absolutely nothing, appearing to have relinquished all control and power to the uninvited ‘guests’; there was complete lawlessness in the town.   Some people, like our local dentist was kidnapped and held for 200,000gh ransom.  A wealthy man, he was taken from his office, with waiting patients aghast, no one had any idea if he was dead or alive.   The separatists needed money to fund ‘their war’,  for them, anyway to get it,  was fine.  Banks were taken over, and thankfully, we had removed all our money prior to the take over.  Our streets were filled with half dressed ‘soldiers’, flanking machine guns.  Many were rude, crude, and drunks…others were strangely polite, as though they knew what they were doing was ‘wrong’, but that they felt they had no choice. Possibly they got caught up in something that they had no idea ‘what’ exactly it was, and now they don’t know what to do.   I knew at least 2 men that were in the separatists group, both formerly from the orphan shelter, and now adults, I saw them on the street, they nodded at me, but, when they didn’t actually stop to talk to me, I took it as a ‘sign’ that maybe it was best that they don’t formerly acknowledge me, as that may draw attention to me and them.  I appreciated that, that they didn’t  bring any attention to me…the obvious ‘non-native’, yet in a potentially volatile situation.   I hoped and prayed that would help protect me from the harm the separatists were unleashing on others.    It was rumored, that ‘newbie’s’ initiation to the ‘group’ was to kill innocent civilians.  I shuttered to think if that was the truth, but kept to myself, and only ventured out once a week for groceries.  I did not go out after 7 p.m., as many nights we would hear arguing, shouting on the streets, and even gunfire.  Angela, the missionary that was there with me, and I hovered together, continuing to pray for that Godly hedge of protection surround us from all evil.   There was no predictability in the government officials, daily life, food, banks, schools; what would be open or closed.  Daily, we would conduct ourselves, as much as possible, as ‘business as usual’ kids would come to the center, we had activities, Bible study, Sunday church, though all the while, separatists would walk down our street, guns on the shoulders, seeking out men; for ‘what’ we didn’t know, but we didn’t want to ask either.   Door to door, or shouting a name from the road, as if to be ‘calling them out’ for ‘service’ or get their political stance on the situation, then they would either ‘join’ them, or beat them, or worse for resisting.  It was a terrible time.  We would walk children home after center activities, even with gun fire in the backdrop.  During ‘center time’ we kept our gates locked at all times, and children would need to ring the bell for entrance, instead of coming and going as usual.   We could see the behavior changes in the children, they were terrified when shooting in the distance would start, many would race out the door, running scared all the way home, not even waiting for us to take them home.    Some started to be aggressive towards one another, others withdrawn, quiet, sullen.  Adults would come to the center, and say, ‘I feel safe here…and I stay here while you are open’.  We would allow for this, as our center is incased with scripture, we have a Bible in our foundation; if people saw us as a refuge, we could not forbid.  Sunday services started to swell, some people seeking God, while others grew angry with the situation.  Emotions were all over the place as the chaos grew. 

After 3 months of the stress, I had to go home for a short break.  I could not leave Angela for more then 10-14 days, so I made a ticket for the end of June, returning July 11. 

March 15, 2014  

1 Samuel 17 :48- 50 48 “As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. 49 Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

50 So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.”

Saturday is a day for people to congregate in the town square and talk about ‘what’ is happening.  Seems there is a lot of confusion and misinformation floating around the streets.  Government officials aren’t communicating effectively and the right hand doesn’t necessarily know how the left hand feels about what is happening, or appears to be happening.  As the situation unfolds in Crimea, we sit watching and wondering how or if this is going to effect us.  The news talked about the lawlessness and chaos on the streets of Crimea.  People aren’t sure ‘who’ is military, and the strong hold outs are that it is NOT Russia, but some band of disgruntled Ukrainian citizens going by the title of ‘separatists’, which in time will just disband.  In our town, the banks are closed, and food prices are high.  I spoke with a friend who lives in Crimea, where the first insurgents illegally invaded sovereign Ukraine, they report to me that things are extremely uncertain for them.  As a couple, one is a Ukrainian, the other a foreigner.  They do not want to move.  They have a ministry helping orphans, and they have been established in the area for over 10 years.  To just pick up and move isn’t that easy, in addition to their children, aren’t legally adopted as of yet.  They were told by the new ‘officials’, ‘sure you may leave, but the children, they will remain here.’  Leaving ‘their’ 4 children behind wasn’t an option they wanted to think about.  Remaining in what appears to be hostile ‘russian’ territory, doesn’t seem to be the answer either.  With each day, new laws are birthed,  and somewhat like the Philistines people are waiting and watching to see who is going to step forward and try and stop the ‘Goliath’, but unfortunately, it is more like watching ‘this’ Goliath take what was once Ukraine.  It’s difficult at best, but the knowledge that this may be moving north to Donetsk region seems only impending. 

Chapter 5: 

Ukraine has a redesigned their landscape in the last 6 years.  Not just in the east, but all of Ukraine.  What has happened in southern and eastern Ukraine has impacted all of Ukraine.  I would parallel it to the metamorphosis of a butterfly backwards.  Ukraine was a beautiful country; lovely lush landscape, flourishing cities; much like a butterfly with their beautiful array of colors, Ukraine was in full blossom mode, with upward thinking for a positive future.   And then, like someone broadsided them with a 2×4, Valdmir Putin sent in an army of men to siege Crimea.  Ukrainians caught off guard by the unexpected invasion, most were scampering out of the area, not knowing they probably would not be able to return.  The Ukrainian military was even more caught off guard that their ‘brothers, cousins, and other forefathers’ were now attacking them.   Shocked and bewildered, they withdrew into their cocoon and ran to the mainland of Ukraine for ‘back up’.  Little did anyone know what was happening, or what the future looked like for Ukraine.  A well plotted take over was in place, and the unstable leaderless country didn’t have a good response plan in place.  Ukraine scrambled to pull in place a military to fight this Goliath (Russia); but on every turn, they seemed to be out numbered, and worse yet, out gunned.   They were in a ‘fight or flight’ mode, and many just left Ukraine, instead of being killed. 

After Russia took over Crimea, wreaking havoc on the locals.  Taking over banks, businesses, schools, demanding people pay large ‘taxes’,  change their passports or desert their homes, land, and belongings.  People who could leave, would leave, others could not leave, some due to physical issues, some due to financial reasons, some refused to leave, as an act of resistance.  MANY were killed, and/or jailed.  Many just disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again.  The gypsy population of over 60,000 was cast out to the wilderness, living in tents, as nomads.  No running water, no proper shelter, of course no electricity or restroom facilities, Russia didn’t care, they wanted them ‘out’, and out they were. Those who rebuked or tried to fight back may be shot on the street, or just vanish, never to be seen again. But Russia wasn’t done yet, seems they next set their sights on eastern Ukraine, starting with attacking regions closest to their border, Lughansk, and Donetsk Oblast.  Both beautiful lush, thriving cities, they carefully and calculatingly took the territory.  Invading government offices, they basically gave city officials one day notice to vacate the premises.  Many officials just left in the night, leaving only the towns people to wake up to new people in charge.   With those ‘new people’ having guns.  It was overwhelmingly unfathomable to see men with machine guns walking on the streets, knowing some had killed innocent civilians; many people who were shocked by their invasion, stood up to the RU army.  Some resisters were thrown from building rooftops; some disappeared and later found on the river banks with their throat slit; and still many disappeared, never to be found at all.  ‘Locals’ were numb to what was happening, bewildered by the aggressive attitude, questioning ‘what’, and ‘why’ this was happening to their beautiful Ukraine?   Everything was very peaceful, even during the Maiden days and the ousting of Victor Yanukovych , the former president of Ukraine.  Seems that many people didn’t like his stand against joining the EU/NATO; as that would bring among some things, homosexuals to Ukraine; whereas really what it would bring is a more liberal trade agreement with other NATO nations, military assistance, if they were ever attacked by a non NATO country; and it would allow for more progressive thinking people to express that via business, arts, talents, trade with more nations.   Little did anyone know the connection that Yanukovych had with Putin, and these ideas that the people of Ukraine wanted, were not aligned with Yanukovych and Putins ‘new russia’ plan.    November 2013 the Ukrainian people revolted protesting in the streets of the capital, Kyiv, where the Yanukovych police was unleashed on the protesters.  Day and day people gathered to protest what they described as ‘government corruption’  Yanukovych was not prepared for the backlash of the people, thinking that they would just agree to whatever he decided.  In late November, 2013 the government forces tried to disperse the group, which inturn increased the group.  Protestors and police continued to clash, and riot police were called in to disperse the massive crowds of angry civilians.  Riot police opened fire on the protesters, killing 100 people in Maidan.  Today in Kyiv, there stands a memorial to the men and women who were killed protesting the rights of the people to make a choice about joining the EU or not.  Yanukovych could see that he needed to ‘get out or town’, and with the help of his friend, V. Putin,, Yanukovych fled Ukraine to Russia, seeking asylum from his crimes.  Putin welcomed him and it was clear that the 2 of them conspired the events of Maiden, and the subsequent invasion of Crimea.    Putin sent his ‘unmarked’, ‘little green men’ to invade Crimea.  The local people were totally confused, with the Ukrainian military taken off guard to the invasion.  The military base in Crimea was surrounded by the ‘little green men’ in unmarked uniforms, and told to surrender, join them, or immediately leave.  Almost all decided to flee with their families.  Later when the towns people realized what was happening, some tried to show resistance to the invasion.  Shots were fired, people threatened, and even some just disappeared.  People fled in droves, with no idea of what, or the bigger question, ‘why’ was this happening at all.   We sat in Donetsk oblast thinking that things would be sorted out and this would all ‘blow over’.  Nothing was discussed, but the invasion grew and more and more of Crimea was taken over, but by who….’who’ were these men in unmarked uniforms?  No one would take responsibility for this.  Finally it was clear that this was a not just a disgruntled civilian group of people, but an organized invasion from Ukrainian alli Russia.  Confused and bewildered, the people didn’t know how to react, as the RU military seized banks, official government buildings, schools, and the military base.    As more and more ‘little green men’, as they were so referred to by the press, invaded the Crimean territory, more and more people fled the area.  

The inland aggression continued, and soon shooting began in Lughansk region close to the Russian border.  Slowly, but calculatingly, they moved to Donetsk oblast, seizing parts of the city, and trying to take the airport, with a strong resistance by Ukrainian backed military forces.

By March 2014, I was back in Eastern Ukraine, and there was a rally downtown, as our mayor was holding ‘behind close doors’ meetings with local politicians, the police chief, and some businessmen, where it was apparent that the mayor was siding with the ill operated group of ‘separatists’ (Donetsk People’s Republic) that threatened to invade Dzerzhinsk.  People rallied in the streets, though no one knew for sure ‘who’ was ‘for’ ‘whom’… One had to be careful, as if you spoke out too much, you may just disappear, which is what happened to the police chief of neighboring Ghorlovka.  Additionally, one man trying to stop the removal of the UA flag from the police headquarters in Ghorlovka was thrown from the 3-story building.   People were cautious, at best, as to ‘who’ they talked to, and what they said.  It reminded me much of what you read about during the time of rounding up the Jews in Germany, and how Hitler was able to convince people to turn on their neighbors, shopkeepers, friends.  ‘This’ was the climate.  One truly didn’t know who their neighbor was ‘for or against’.    After 16 years of working to establish relationships with hundreds of people, it came down to fear, and people not knowing what to do with that fear.  Fear of the ‘unknown’, fear of being hurt, fear to speak out, fear to take a ‘side’, fear of being hurt of worse yet killed…so people continued to act, ‘business as usual’, not talking to anyone about their thoughts on the situation soon to surround them.