May 26, 2015 – Tuesday  – I’m off to the hospital with pastor Sasha to feed the 6 soldiers that are there.  We pick up Sasha to feed the 6 soldiers and go into the main hospital, where we find a man sleeping, but we know him from BP #1.  We slip in and leave him a welcome gift on his bedside table.  We then go over to the surgical ward.  As we walk up, there are gypsey’s everywhere, probably 30-35!!  Something has happened to someone in that community, and I have no idea ‘what’, but we go to the second floor, and there are more gypsies up there in the waiting area.  The nurse appears at the door, and asks us to wear shoe coverings, as it is the surgery ward.  It is almost funny, if it weren’t so sad, that they are worried about such things as paint is peeling off the walls, dirt on the floor, people not wearing gloves…cat on the 5^th floor, and they are worried about the soles of my shoes…but we comply, and Sasha goes to the pharmacy to purchase shoe coverings.  Just then 2 men walk up trying to get in the ward, and the same nurse that was fairly nice to us, ‘laid’ into the men, disallowing them entrance to the ward.  Demanding that they go and get the shoe coverings…the nurse shifts her eyes to me and then back at them.  Discrimination is rampant in Ukraine against the gypsy culture.   Sasha returns, and the same nurse, then escorts us to a room, and they tell my to ‘go in’, but all I see is a room of a gravely ill child.  I don’t want to go in, but they keep telling me to…so once I the room, I see that there is another room behind the first. And that is where the soldier, Dima is.  Dima is from BP #2, and he was near a mine when it exploded.  He turned just in time to NOT take the full force of the blast in the chest.  He had fragments in his chest, lungs, and a crushed arm.  He was obviously in a lot of pain.  Dima’s friend wanted to leave, but when Sasha asked if he could pray, he decided to stay through the prayer.  I was glad that Sasha was there to minister to Dima, and he talked with him for at least 20 minutes, then we left; climbing back over all the people in the next room, tending to this small boy.  As we left the building, I wanted to give them some of our food, since we had left over, but Sasha said that it wasn’t a good idea, so we went home.  I dropped Sasha off  at the Moscow market, and then went to the center, where Alyosha was waiting for me.  Seems his classes get out at 2, so he is free then to come over to the center.  We talked for a while, and then I mentioned about the boy at the hospital, and he knew all about it, as the boy is Nastia’s (his sister) neighbor.  Seems the boy was playing near a house that had been ‘shelled’, and a wall fell over on top of him, crushing him. I told him that I wanted to pray with them, so Alyosha suggested that we call Sasha and ask him to come along..finally after several tires, Valia reached Sasha and he said, he ‘could not go with us.’  So we decided not to go and just pray on the house for him hourly. 

Sergie returns – I was woke at 7:20 a.m. as Sergei was at the gate, but had no keys.  I stumbled over to the gate, and opened it, handing him the keys.  He went to the center, I went home, but I was up, so I decided to tidy up my house, incase the men wanted to come for a visit.  Food was prepared, so that wasn’t an issue.  I finally go over to the building, and prepare some breakfast for Sergie and I.  We leave at 11 to head to Konsytanivika to do a little shopping and then pick up the men at 12:45.

We get through the check point, just men anamoured at my US passport; and the many stamps from so many countries…they got so caught up in all that, they failed to ask Sergei for his passport, which was good, as he forgot it. 

The train has just arrived, and they are walking up the platform.  It is great to meet the men, Aaron, and Keith are pastors, and then there is Andre a student, and Cory, on an internship.

May 29, 2015 – I just can’t make this stuff up – Friday evening, I need to take food over to Lena’s grandparents and I remembered that someone had painted over 4 of the flags we painted with red/blue strip.  I really want to ‘fix’ that, so we took the paint with us, since it is literally on the same road.  Sergei and Alyosha paint several poles , then we deliver the food, and we go back to paint some more, since it is getting darker.  We are stopped at the corner by the turn to go the back way to the hospital, via the cemetery.  I’m parked on the side of the road, whereas Sergei and Aloysha are painting the poles behind me..  All of a sudden a car zooms up and comes to a screeching halt…and the guys are talking to Sergei and Aloysha, but I only can hear Sergei responding.  Words go back and forth, and then the next thing is Sergei is walking to the car, and puts some money down on the seat, and says, ‘those guys over there, just paid us money to buy the paint and paint all the poles on the street.’  Paint all the poles on the street!  Then I count the money and it is 1000gh!  Not completely sure what to make of this, as it could be a trap, maybe legit, just don’t know at this point, but it was decided that we are to meet them tomorrow night.  We head home, but I notice that I need gas, so we pull into the Route 20.  There are usually a lot of military cars there, and this night was like all others, and there was one car there.  Sergei decides that he needs to talk to the military men, and exits the van and goes to the side patio where 3 men are talking.  Sergei talks to the men, and Sasha the ‘leader of the group’, agrees to come out tomorrow night and check out the situation with the guys that gave us the money.  We can’t be too careful. 

Last night we also received word that we lost 2 men from block post 0.  Considering that this post is closets to the ‘front’, and the entry way from Ghorlovka, I would not be surprised, but then we heard of 9 more men that were wounded.  So we head to the hospital with food and clothing.  Stopping off to pick up Lena, and then to Julia’s parents for more items, Julia’s father joins us for the trip.  We arrive, and go to Zhenya on the 1^st floor of the surgery unit, he is still waiting for appendix surgery.  Then up to the 2^nd floor, room #3, where we are met by Oleg Odessa (2022, Oleg was killed in action), who is visibly upset, Andrew from #2, and 2 other men from another room, that came to visit.  I go about making plates of food, while the men speak to the soldiers.  Oleg starts to tell about what happened, when he just starts to cry.  Sergei unsuccessfully tries to calm him.  Andre returns from the restroom, and immediately climbs into bed and pulls the covers over his head.  I lightly rub his back, and he reaches out and touches by hand and softly rubs the top of my hands.  He so desperately needs the kindness of a nurse, wife, mother, sister, just anyone that cares, someone to sooth him, from this trauma that he suffered.  He continues to hold my hand, and then drifts into sleep.  Total sadness for this very broken man.  All I keep thinking is ‘what’ is going to happen to these men when the war is over, where will they go, what will they do..how will they live psychologically with what they have seen, done…experiences???

Saturday – Mr. Toads’ Wild Ride!!! – The started with preparing food for the blockpost, and meeting people to pick up food for the post, and then off to Julia’s parents to pick the rest of the food up along with them.  On the way to the block post, we observe several DPR flags on the bus stops, and some buildings.  I mention to Sergei that those will need to be ‘dealt with’ tonight, he agrees….WE arrive to the post and the men are as usual happy to see us.  We unload and speak to the men for a while, when the commander approaches that needed the belt and cell phone.  I have nothing!  I feel terrible about this, but we needed to know if he needed the SIM cards to go in the phone, or if he has them, and we never could reach him, prior to today.  So now having the information, we can purchase the phone and return to the post with the phone.  He is very happy about this.  We leave promising to return with a phone!  WE get back to Julia’s and then we are off to the big market to get the phone, and some paint for tonights activities.  We purchase paint and brushes too, as this paint if very difficult to get off the brushes, and it is easier to just toss them.   While at the phone store, Andre calls, saying that everyone is ‘there’ and waiting on us, are we coming?’  Coming to what??  When he explains that the meeting and ‘road rally’ is TODAY, not tomorrow, as we were previously told.  So we race out the door and get to the center of town, and get in line for the road rally.  UA flags everywhere, it was great to see the patriotism of the people.  Granted, I would liked to have seen hundreds, not just one hundred or less, but we will be happy with what we have, and show the town that there are indeed people here that are pro-UA.  Many ‘lookers’!!  People need to know NOT to be afraid of being proud of being Ukrainian.  Putin has made ethnic Ukrainians feel bad for loving their country!  The rally starts with us all walking to the monument and singing the national anthem!  We sang that 4 times, with Oleg in the front, it was all very nice.  Then we lined up, with an armored vehicle in the front, we drone through the streets of Dzerzhinsk, blowing horns and raising UA awareness.  We had a police escort, and police at every crossroad to stop traffic for us.  It was great, and so very exciting.  Granted, it made it clear to all that I was pro-UA; but at some point in time, you must stand up for something.  All through the town, we trailed, and then circled back to the parking lot in front of the Moscow market.. People were everywhere starring at us…after photos, Oleg asked me to go to Rainbow and speak with a journalist, Tatiana C., from Kyiv.  She lost her husband at Mayden, and has since run for public office, and is in Parliament.  Her goal is to improve dietary needs for soldiers.  She listened to Oleg’s concerns about the currant mayor, and though that is a big concern, if the leader of your town is pro-ru, my concern was for the soldiers morale.  After our initial meeting with Oleg, his church member, and this Sergei (in question), I asked the others to leave, so that I could speak with Tatiana alone, as I wanted to speak about the soldiers equipment needs, and their morale.  She listened very intently and interested.  I just wish I had been given some notice about this meeting, then I could have been more thoughtful with my questions.  But that didn’t happen, do it is what it is…  We exchanged phone numbers, and she encouraged us to call her if we needed something.  Probably the best thing was that we saw Andre’, the summer commander, Andre Teturyuk assistant.  He is now the commander of Rainbow.  He is now the person that is to be working in Dz. to straighten out the local government.  Hopefully, this reunion will have me be able to reconnect with him, and this could be a good thing. 

June 2015 – Saturday evening, we paint poles on Artuma street, they look great, and Sergei (local mafia man) was very happy to see the work.  We completed the street, and had no hecklers.  Sasha, from Battalion 17 came for the entire time and stood guard for us.  That made us all feel much better, though it is sad that one must have an armed guard to beautify the town with country flags.    

Sunday – up early to go and buy paint for later in the day painting of poles.    Church was fine, though very long, Sasha just goes on too long,and people get restless.  He makes his point over and over and over, beating people over the head with the Bible…it doesn’t work, and people get aggravated…he goes on and one, and loses the momentum with the audience.  I would love to tell him all this, but I don’t see that happening, and Sergei, though feels the same way, he may not say, it in the ‘fight way’. 

Kids come in the afternoon, and Valia was with them, as Sergei and I left for painting the main street in Zabalka at 5.  We met the group up at the railroad crossing/street police, and worked our way down the street.  The people in Zabalka didn’t seem to care at all, they just watched.  We finished by 8:30, and all the poles were complete, I was exhausted, and covered in paint…I must figure out a way to get this paint out of my clothes.

Monday – 8:45, Oleg calls asking if I can come and get Lyuba’s food and take it to the block post, as his car is broken.  I need to get the food, take it, and then return with 5 men to the center, for showers and food, and the return them to the block post, then go to the hospital to feed soldiers there.  A lot to organize and remember details.  Additionally we have been asked to go to a rally for Nadia Savenchencko’s birthday, in the square down town.   I arrive at the center early and Sergei is up cooking rice!  Like that is important, since that is about at the bottom of the list, since that can cook while the soldiers eat.  Amist all that, the  water isn’t ready, tea isn’t steeping, details…just not awake to details.  We prepared lunch and the men arrive.  I ask Sergei if the upstairs is ready for them, and he says, ‘no’, and races upstairs to prepare the showers.  Valia and I complete the lunch, and I try not to get too upset.  All will be fine, God is in control.  We just have so much to do, and it is not getting done, due to disorganization.  Lunvh is ready, men are showered , and the men and Valia eat.  Valia is leaving today, so she needs to be well fed.   The men enjoy their meal, and then spend some time outside talking and smoking.  I don’t make a fit about it..they have few ‘vices’.  Driving back to the blockpost, I think about how it must feel to be in the comfort and safety of our center, and then be thrust out into the war and chaos again; safe >>>unsafe, warm and fed >>>>cold and hungry

We meet ‘Sergei’ in the square, and we stand with signs to honor Nadia S.  There are 7 of us…then 2 more show up, then 3 more.. so the numbers are few but she is unjustly being held, someone needs to be ‘her voice’.   We also paint a beautiful emblem of the Ukrainian flag in the center square,  with a blue and yellow heart!!   It is all very nice.  When volunteer Vovo came to the rally, he told us that reporters from the Kyiv Post were in town, and wanted to do a story on me, and our volunteer group.  I was amazed, and honored, so we arranged for a meeting.  We invited them to join us for painting. 

Tonight we paint again, we are getting this done, a little at a time.  We are clearly ‘marking our territory’! We do Myachofskya St. today, and happy to have Vovo, Diana, and the 2 writers from the Kyiv post.  We work our way down the street, and then to the police station, then to the Moscow market, and then back to the main street.  It is A LOT, but it looks great, and prayerfully, it encourages our men.   The journalists are very interesting, though I am concerned about the exposure of the story.    After painting, it is late, so I drive everyone home, and Vovo asks us to stay for dinner.  It is 9 p.m., but we agree to do this, as there has been many times, he has asked, and we haven’t been able to.  He and his wife are believers, yet they don’t go to any local church due to the persecution of protestant Christians.  Granted, they can come and meet with us, and maybe in the future they will.  The journalists, Oleg and Vlad. Join us, as they are staying with Vovo and his wife, Alla.  Amazing couple, and they have a lovely home.  I can’t wait for Rich to meet these people.  Alla serves us a humble meal of pasta and canned meat, and wonderful bread she makes herself.   The journalists ask lots of questions, and at some point, Oleg recorded me, though I wasn’t aware of it.  Oleg, is a very interesting person, and one of his friends was in Ghorlovka in an office, and they saw on a piece of paper on the wall, ‘Motoralla’ and a number.  Motorolla is the head of the Ghorlovka DPR unit, and a really mean, evil person.  He, like putin have, little man syndrome.  He is a small man, so he really likes to ‘show himself’ through his actions.  He even has a giant for a wife.  She is very young, and he is probably 35.  Anyway, Oleg’s friend gave him this number, he had no idea if indeed it was Motorolla’s number, but he called it and recorded the conversation.  When a person picked up, Oleg started the recording, and Motorolla admits to killing 15+ people, and one being the gunner from the airport.  The soldier was brutally beaten, and shot multiple times, after admitting he was the gunner, during the interrogation of all the men, and he could see that someone was going to be killed, if he didn’t admit to this position as the gunner.  Motorolla was very prideful about the killings, and cursed repeatedly, and said, that he would kill more.   It was all very ‘creepy’.

June 19, 2015 – Friday, I received a message from Valia asking us to take food to Tonya, Vanya’s sister.  Saturday, we went over to her place, but no one was home.  We talked to the grannies, and they said that she ‘comes and goes’, but drinking a lot.  I was concerned when she didn’t show up for church for several weeks, as she was coming regularly.  The ladies agreed to call us if she showed up.  Sunday afternoon, I decided that we really need to try again, and we go over to her place, looking for her, but can’t find her.  I remember Valia sent me her number, so I call, and we finally get a hold of her, and she said that she is staying at her boyfriends’ house, providing the address.  We drive over to the address, but have some difficulty finding it, until we see a group of kids, and I recognize Olga, Tonya’ 6 yr. old daughter.  She is covered in dirt, looks terrible!  We ask her to show us where her mother is, and she walks in front of the van,
walking us to the house. 

I have lived in and out of UA for 17 years, and seen some pretty terrible
conditions, never any like this, where children were playing.  Walking
through the gate, front door wide open, glass in the windows broken, piles of
trash outside, broken glass everywhere.  Sergei and I go in and I see
Tonya getting dressed, and some man naked on the couch.  Sergei yells to
Tonya to get dressed and come out, and she does, and I follow that up by
telling the man to get dressed too.  They both eventually appear at the
door between the kitchen and the living room, where a T.V. is blarring
cartoons!  It is like, ‘grow up’, your kid is out playing in the garbage
and you are in here having sex with this piece of trash, of a man.  Just
disgusting, truly.  Sergei ‘unloads’ on the man, questioning him about
their relationship, his honor, or lack of any honor at all to Tonya, being
totally drunk.  Her face is red, hands are shaking, if I would have really
thought about it, she looked like she was in ‘labor’, but it isn’t time…she
looks to be 4-5 months along.  We continue to question Tonya about her
commitment to Olga as a mother. Olga is running in and out of the house, and
then the neighbor shows up.  Appears to be a nice woman, she too questions
the man about ‘what is he doing’ with pregnant Tonya drinking, and Olga playing
in the dirt.  They have no answer, Tonya is embarrassed, but the man wants
to beat Sergei, and repeatedly curses him, and gets in his face.  I ask
Tonya, if I can take Olga for the night…give her food, bathe her…Tonya at first
says ‘no’, but then we finally convince her…and then we are able to convince
Tonya to leave too.  The man isn’t happy at all.  He doesn’t want to
lose his free sex with  no strings attached…just disgusting.
  He sways between, ‘she is my girlfriend, you can’t take her’ … to
‘she is with me today, and with someone else tomorrow.’’   Finally,
they decide to leave, and Tonya and Olga het in the van and we go to the
pharmacy for some ‘medicine’ to help with her ‘drunk’..   Sergei
mentions that his church has a rehab. Center, and that he could see if Tonya
and Olga could go there, so I insist that he get the information.  He
makes some calls, so that we can let Tonya know if there is even a remote
chance that she could go to Kherson for rehab.  We aren’t sure she would,
but we need to know of there is even space available.

The medicine works.. I think… but she drinks a lot of water, used the rest
room a lot, and then she starts to shake.  Her face is very red, and hands
are almost blue, they are so red.  She is cold, then she is hot…I’m
thinking she is in labor, so I call nurse Tonya for help.  She totally
understands, but says that she doesn’t want to take responsibility for this,
and get her to the hospital if I really feel she is in labor.  We
wait..and see.    After about 15 minutes, she is feeling a
little better to eat, and then shower.  I take her upstairs to shower,
yet, I don’t think she does, as she is barely wet, and Olga is running in and
out of the room.  I’m glad that I bathe Olga earlier, and she is very clean.   
Sergei hears that there is space, and they welcome Tonya to the center. 
We need one paper, which we will try to get from the hospital tomorrow. 
We decide that the best place for them is back at their apartment, so I drive
them back, and Sergei and Aloysha take her upstairs, while I wait with the
van.  It is late, and no one is out on the roads, so separatists may be
lurking.  We take Aloysha home, as we don’t want him to walk either, and
we arrive back at the center exhausted around 10:30.  What a day.  I
continue to be amazed by what God challenges us with…all we wanted to do was
give a box of food to someone in need, and we end up in this mess.   Lord, please surround this little girl with love and peach; give Tonya a conscience to know what she is doing, and putting her child through is not good; and help her to receive the help we so desperately are trying to give her.  

MAY 14, 2015 –  Today the article in the Kyiv Post came out.  It was a great and humbling article, but to say the very least, I have now been exposed for my political position.  Photos, and 2 articles, one on me, and one on the other volunteers.  It is all over the internet, and I get good comments, and some ‘slams’.  One fellow writes that he wants to help, but then repeatedly writes that I exposed myself and put myself in danger.  It is very upsetting, what he writes to me, and Sergei is upset that any man would write such things to a lady whose protection is so far away.     I know that FEAR is never from God, always from the evil one.  I decided that I can’t pay attention to such negatively, though I need to be vigilant, consider what he is saying in the situation, and be very careful.  As Rich frequently reminds me: “Head on a swivel” my new life motto!

May 16, 2015 – My first act of civil disobedience was repainting the ‘Dzerzhinsk’ sign back to yellow and blue, from the DPR colors of black, red and blue.  Aloshya and I did that in August (check date on that), along with painting several utility poles around town.  Tonight the group was painting poles with UA flags.  Thank goodness, it is an easy flag to paint, as Andre isn’t an artist and after 2 poles, Julia promptly removed the brush from him and instructed him to only ‘hold the box with the paint’, while she and Diana painted poles.  The unfortunate part, was that Julia had no intention of even going, or painting, she decided to go to translate, and now is stuck painting.  I’m driving, so painting is ‘out’ for me, though the desire is definitely there…  Pole by pole, they jump from the van, leaving the passenger door open to block on-coming traffic view.  We drive with the side sliding door open for quick exit and entry.    It takes a few poles for them to figure out that they MUST blot the paint, as it is running all over the place, and not looking good.  One goal is that it must look good, and not sloppy, otherwise the city may come along and paint right over it.  We creep down the main street of Dz. And it is looking good, few people on the street, and few cars, though one white car with a crashed front, has driven by very slowly…so that is a suspicious car.  We move through the bus stop, ‘marking’ it accordingly…and down to the building just before the ‘home ‘depot’ store’.  There is a huge flag painted on the building, and the yellow looks bad, so I suggest that they paint over that.   Andre goes and starts on that, while Julia and Diana start on the poles.  As Andre is painting, the white car reappears yelling out the windows at Andre…the unfortunate part is that Andre yells back….Julia is livid at Andre’s stupidity…we don’t need ANY trouble or attention brought on us…  they all run to the car, and we slowly pull away, heading down towards the hospital, where there are too many taxi’s, so we continue to move towards the ‘water company’ area, there is a bus stop there, so we pull off, and they are painting 2 poles on one side of the street, and run to the other…As I sit there in the car, I can see in the distance fluorescent vests…which means ONE thing, police.  I can tell they are sitting on the left side, and flagging incoming cars to Dzerzhinsk…  I can’t risk that, and must do a U turn and go back, they will stop us, and then they will smell the pain, and then the problems…  So I tell Yulia what is going on, and everyone gets in the van, but Andre fails to close the door, and I’m doing a ‘U-ey’ in the middle of the road.    I go 500 meters, and see a car right behind me, then I hear the siren, and flashers…I yell at Andre to ‘close the door’, and every one is scrambling to get their gloves off and paint hidden..   The officer walks up to the van and I’m searching for my purse, as I had hid it under the seat.  I finally find it, handing over my passport, and then the car documents.  Then he asks for my license, so glad that I have everything with me.   He looks and says, ‘from America?’….. I reply ‘yes’.   He had already asked for the others’ documents, but never took them.  Seems he may think that all are Americans too…  He looks at everything, then  handing me back all the docs.;  then says, in English, ‘have a nice night’.    I can’t get the van started quick enough, and I drive off, trying not to hit anything.  We plan to go to Artuma, so there is a back way, and I’m trying to find the road, but totally cracking up.  The car wreaks of paint, there is no way he didn’t smell that, so he may just be ‘o.k.’ with what we are doing…but I didn’t want to stick around and ask more questions… we laugh and laugh at our ‘close call’…and I continue the way to Artuma.   We pass no one at all…streets are deserted..  Arriving in Artuma, the road is just black…so I turn left towards Servna (north), and edge down the road.  The group jumps out and starts to paint poles on both sides of the road.    Slowly moving without lights, as to NOT draw attention to ourselves, we see a light in the distance, a flashlight or cigarette.   They all slip back into the car, and I move slowly down the road, and we see it is a UA soldier, alone and walking down the street.  Maybe he is doing a night patrol, but alone, seems odd…but he passes, and we continue on.  Painting quickly, we move down the street, watching for people.  There is no moon, so being inconspicuous isn’t terribly hard, as there are no street lights either.   We paint several more poles, then head back to Artuma to paint more, going towards ‘New York’.   Each time there is a car, they dash to the van and just sit and wait.. we also drive with the side door open for quick departure and re-entry.  We decide that going the back way is the best thing, so I turn back towards the cemetery, and we decide to paint some poles back in there.  Quiet and calm… then out of the darkness comes a big truck…it is the UA army, and they slow down to ‘take a look’.   We then decide to head towards the big market, as it may be safe on that back road out of Dz..  We hit several poles on that street, and then it is getting late, we decide we have had enough adventure for one night, and call it a night. 

Wednesday – we continue to have quiet in Dz., not really knowing what to make of all that, but we are very glad that UA army is here with fortifications and we are happy to feed the men.  Haven’t had any men at the center so far this week…guess Oleg is busy, but it has given me an opportunity to plant the gardens, mow grass, and get things generally cleaned up.  There always seems to be something to do, and I stay very busy.  I can’t imagine how people are bored.  If I could speak the language better, I would really be loving communicating with more people with something much more meaningful to say then, ‘hello’…  

Thursday – Up early and off to Konstanivka to buy food for the IDP’s.  Ira and Volodia go with Sasha and I.  The trip there is fine.  We get to the market, and the seller remembers us, and agrees to the discount on the food we need.  He was very nice, and asked that if we call before we come, he will have everything ready for the next time.  We head to ATB and Eko Market, and the van is packed.  We had back to Dz., needing to stop at the block post.  Arriving to the checkpoint, the patrol asks for my passport and he review it.  Then he asks for the others…while sitting and waiting, I see in the distance, Yuri, my friend from summer.  I call out to him, and he immediately turns around and comes walking towards the van..and reaches through he window with a big hug.  It is funny, as the patrol then just handed back our documents and said, ‘you can go.’   So my conversation was quick with Yuri, but it was great to see him and invite him over to the center for tea.  God’s timing again is so perfect…our shopping timing, Yuri’s timing, everything works together for the good for those that love the Lord. 

Alyosha has been coming to the center everyday, I’m thinking that Sergey ‘put him up to this’ to keep an eye on me.  It was fine for a day or 2, but now, it is getting creepy, and annoying.  I have so much do to, and I can’t babysit him.  I love him to death, but he is unpredictable.  But I can say, he LOVES Ukraine, and will paint!!   We decide to have an adventure and go painting.  We gather all the paints, and brushes, and off we go.  We decide to head out of Dz. towards NewYork via Zabalka area.   We are able to paint several poles on the road out and in to Dz…and with little trouble.  Few cars, and since that road is a ‘divided’ road, people leaving can’t see those on the opposite side of the road.  Alyosha really wants to paint the posts along the road in Zablaka, as they aren’t done very well… So we decide that it is best to let him out with all the paint, and then I would go and park and wait.  He doesn’t get many done, as there are many ‘walkers’, and cars on the road.  Each time a car approaches, he sets everything down and pretends to be peeing in the bushes…a familiar sight here!   We call it a ‘night’ after a few ‘close calls’, and exhaustion has taken us over.   Tomorrow is May 1, and if something is going to happen, at least we know that we tried to show our support of UA.  !! 

Going to the block post is always an adventure.  Never know what you may encounter.  Saturday is blockpost #2 day, with Julia and her family.  Early in the morning is the best time for feeding, as it seems the Russians get drunk frequently, and need to sleep off their drunk, so mornings are usually quiet.  I leave early, as I must meet a woman in zabalka with food at ‘Start’church.  She must take food away from her house, as to not let her neighbors know what she is doing, in fear of persecution.  It is hard to believe that people need to fear fellow Ukrainians because you re helping the army protect them from the enemy, and to regain their homeland.   Just really hard to wrap my mind around that, people ‘hating’ on their neighbors for helping their own army..??  $*#^$^%     I decided that I wasn’t going to apologize or make excuses any more for helping.  If people don’t like it, then to bad, and I will reap the consequences.    I arrive at the church and wait.  After about 10 minutes, emerging from between the apartment buildings, there is a woman carrying obviously very heavy bags.   She is on the other side of the parking area, so I race over to the other side to try to get there quickly to ease her heavy burden.  She is very friendly and happy to see me.  We move quickly, as I can tell she wants to hurry and leave, as she doesn’t want people to see her.  So very sad, but understandable.   Next stop is to pick up Andre’, Julia’s boyfriend, and then to Alla’s to pick up bread and other food.  Alla is an amazing baker, and has baked 12 loaves of lovely bread, 4 of which are still WARM.  Oh, would I love to devour that bread with some butter, but I will refrain, as others need this more then myself. ~~   After Alla’s we go to Alvera’s to collect more food.  Ukraine is a place of ‘hurry up and wait’…and so it was with this stop.  I waited, waited and waited, and after about 20 minutes, Andre emerges with buckets of food.  7 totes later, we leave to go to Julia’s and pick up her parents and all their food. 

Going to the blockpost, many people know what we are doing, and many don’t like it.  So sad, and I’m probably very naïve about this, but I just don’t care.  I’m sad that we don’t have MORE then 34 volunteers in Dz. That want to cook food and help the soldiers.  I can see why they are discouraged, though I will say, they are very grateful for us ‘few’.  I think about what they will do when I leave…not that I’m no important, but the van is…it is their way to so many remote blockposts, and a way for men to come for showers and food.  I won’t be gone long, but it is still time away.  I’m torn between 2 continents.

Arriving at the block post we meet another group from Kirvo Rog/volunteers that have brought things also.  I feel like we are not communicating enough so that we don’t duplicate efforts.  Food is difficult enough to make for such large quanities, and some block posts are not getting anything at all, like #7, and then you have this one which has locals, and outside the oblast volunteers helping them.   I’m upset that I didn’t get the belt for this man at this post….I didn’t have a size, and he kept saying, ‘all are the same’, but they are far from the same…so I will look tomorrow, and for this cell phone.  He needs just a plain phone, with 2 cards.  But I can’t buy this without help…so I’m waiting for Sergey to return.   Some things I can do alone, others, I can’t.  Anyway, the men are very glad to see us, and when I pull out the gloves, it goes wild.  And, I don’t have enough for even a fraction of the men.  It is terrible, and terribly sad for me.  I give away 9 pr. And save the rest for #1, as those are ‘my guys’.  I’m torn between countries, and I’m torn between block posts…it is all too much.  !   I give away a few more masks, as those are essential for protection, and staying hidden from the enemy.  All goes well, and the men are very friendly and kind.  I go to the kitchen and see how things are going there.  The men are eating the food we brought, as it is fresh and hot.  They are very appreciative, and that is great, but wish I didn’t even have to do this, and they were home with their families.    We hear some shooting in the distance, and decide it is time to leave…give everyone hugs, and load up.  Americans are the ‘huggy’ ones, something that Ukrainians are not used to at all.    As we are leaving we get to the forest and a car is coming towards us, and they flag us over.  It is 2 men that know we are volunteers and want to talk with us.  They greet us, and thank us profusely for our help.  The one man speaks some English, so it is good to talk with him.  He is very kind, and kisses my hands as we leave.  I have now learned that this is a gesture of thanks for my ‘kind and working’ hands for others. 

I return to the center, and start to prepare for tomorrows food give away, church, and after church party with the volunteers.  We have at least 14 coming at this point, but could be more.   I clean up and get olivre’ salad made, and an apple/nut cake.   Kids start to come, and we have a good afternoon.  Difficult that I don’t have a translator, but it forces me to listen more, speak less. 

May 24, 2015 – New Friends – Sunday!!   Today is food give away, and we have just 38 people present at church.  Voludia shares and then Sasha shares.  More people mingle in, and we wrap up the give away, and I prepare tea.  With the clock ticking, as 3:00 the volunteers are arriving for the get-together.   Yulia and her family arrives at 2 and we set up…she now informs me that she thinks the ‘numbers’ are up to 22.  I rush home to grab a few more papergoods, and another tablecloth.  Yulia and ‘mom’ prepare sandwiches for the oven, people start to arrive right at 3:00.  It is really great to meet other ‘servants’.    Not all are Christians, and actually, I don’t think any are except for me.  There are some volunteers from Kyiv, but I don’t get to speak to them at all, as one local volunteer, Sasha basically dominated the conversation, pulling myself and Yulia away from the group to talk about ‘town’ business, and what ‘I’ was going to do to help…I’m one woman, who doesn’t speak the language, I basically can’t do much of anything.  But Sasha seems to think that I need to ‘know’ this information, thus for 20 minutes he tells me all about this, all the while Yulia has to translate.  Oleg is there too, and he gets all excited that he has been given a task!  He is a real ‘go-getter’ I will say that much, and he loves helping the soldiers.  We finally return to the group, and have time to eat.  The next thing I know, a woman who was with the ‘Kyiv group’ comes over and starts to talk to me in English, saying she is a reporter from a paper in Sweden.  She wants to interview me, and just starts asking questions about ‘my’ work here.  How long, how did I get started, why Dzerzhinsk, what are we doing, why are we doing this, who do we help, etc. ‘ The same questions, asked and answered.  The questions are endless, and I’m eating between ‘thoughts’.  Elvira’s little girl is just out of control, screaming and carrying on to the point, that we can’t continue the interview…Elvira seems oblivious to the noise, so we give up.

People are sharing their experiences, their concerns for the future.  The stories that they can tell, many have ended up on very dangerous situations, us included. 

……Long day, and soldiers enjoy ‘left overs from Sunday’ (thought they don’t know that, since I can reheat, and add to, and it all looks fresh…but, they feel the need to get back to the block post, and leave.  As we depart, every man gets a hug, that is how I roll.  In war, one never knows, if they will ever come back….

May 1, 2015 – Prepared food for 6, though we had only 3, but we decided better to have too much, and give to others.   We could only find Oleg, and gave him some food.  He seems somewhat interested in the Bible, but more and more, he just seems lonely and wants to talk to someone about anything…we talk with him, but it goes no where…and he says that he hopes to be returning to the post in the next few days.  He will need to get his ‘head back into the game’, and it really isn’t too good for the men to stay away for so long, as they start to get comfortable, and it makes it very hard to readjust, food, habits, sleeplessness, toiletry, just so many aspects that go into ‘war’…that doesn’t even cover the readjustment to being at the ‘frontline’ of shelling. The other Oleg, the more talkative one, has returned, and we are alittle worried for him, as he seems to be careless, and the type that would drink and hold a gun, waving it around.  He just seems like a ‘loose cannon.’  I pray that he is safe, and we did share the gospel with him, just hope that it sinks in and he understands that there is life and death, and he is closer to death then a lot of us.  In some ways, I don’t think he ‘gets’ that, and he is carefree and careless, but war is serious, and Russia is slowly approaching and building up their fleets, we must be ready and alert.  Another reason that Oleg may be somewhat carefree, is that he is alone, he doesn’t have a family, whereas some others have wives, children, extended family.  Oleg didn’t want to talk about any family at all, and seemed aloof in that aspect..could be that talking about them, makes being here even worse mentally for him. 

Blankets don’t stop bullets: 

Tuesday – We have 5 for showers and lunch, and I decide to shoot a video with the men.  One thing that I try to ask the men is: 1.  What are their needs, short of the war ending and they go home, what are their physical needs as a soldier.  And the #1 answer is EQUIPMENT, HEAVY equipment.  They feel they are totally out armed.  Some of the men have guns from 1970’s, they are ill-equipped to fight this, or any battle.   I wouldn’t so much as to send my loved one out there like that, let alone go to war myself!   I feel terrible for these men…they are like sitting ducks.  The road ways are filled with broken military trucks, and then we see photos of beautiful equipment in Kharkiv, or Nickolinva, when that equipment needs to be here!   They are totally out gunned.  They explain how the enemy has equipment that can reach 3 kilometers, and their equipment can barely get to 1, how their snipers have all the night vision; how each block post has only ONE night vision goggles, for large areas to watch…it is virtually impossible to watch that much territory with one pair of goggles.      The second thing they talk about is the commanders.  Many feel they can’t trust their commanders after the situation at Debaltsava and Illiovisk.  One can’t blame them.  And with mounting situation where block posts get into situations, calling for help and NO ONE comes, it just seems futile for them.  Many are discouraged.  They say that it will take 40 minutes for help to arrive from Konstanivka, but when they called for help after several hours of heavy battle, still no one came, after 6 hours.  That is unacceptable…it does not build team morale, and it gets men killed.   The commanders are thinking with a 1980 mindset, in a 2015 technological war time.  These older commanders need to ‘move’ out, and get some young blood in there, but not just for the sake of youth, but you can’t fight a war of hand combat with video guided bombs!   The men know they are out gunned, and that isn’t a good feeling.  #3 Even simple equipment such as face masks, gloves, boots, are not available.  The men are not outfitted at all, uniforms are ill-fitted, too big and cumbersome for the smaller men, like it isn’t ‘one-size’fits-all’, and that seems to be the way the uniforms were given out.  Most are too big, few are too small.  And for boots…never enough, and they need seasonal boots.  No one wears fur boots in the summer, can’t run, and too hot.  Men are thankful for what we are able to provide, but then again, ‘blankets don’t stop bullets.’ 

Thursday – another group comes for lunch and showers.  Among them is Sergey, he was also here on Tuesday.  He pulled me aside and asked if I would allow him to shoot a video asking for help to release his nephew from a Crimean prison for charges from the Maiden.  Seems that Alexander was a police leutinent in Crimea, and he formed the Crimean battalion to go and fight for freedom in Kyiv.  There was massive fighting, and over 100 were killed, and hundreds injured.  Alexander did fight, probably did hit someone…but who, and how is in question, AND, what does the authorties in Crimea have to do with this at all…it happened in Ukraine, NOT Crimea, and Crimea has no jurisdiction in Ukraine to do anything to people.  Alexander stayed in Ukraine after the Maiden.  He went to help at the front, as commander of the group of Ukrainian volunteers from Crimea.  In February of 2015, Alexander was kidnapped and returned to Crimea where he sits in prison for crimes they say he committed at Maiden.  But where is any justice here, as any crimes would have been prosecuted by Ukrainian, NOT Russian authorities…since Crimea is no longer a part of UA, as the ru people say….  So, Alexanders’ father went to Kyiv to enlist help to get him released.  On his return to Crimea, as he and his wife still reside in Crimea, father called another son, to let him know that he had made it to Crimea, from UA, passing through the border crossing.   Father never has returned home, and no one has heard from him since.   Sergey, the brother-in-law and the uncle, is now desperate to find help for the release of his nephew and to find his brother-in-law.  His sister has had a stroke due to the stress of all this, and is unable to do anything.      

After showers and lunch, we set up the space, and film the segment.  Sergey shares the details, and makes his point, needing help to secure the release of his nephew, and to get any information on his brother-in-law.  I will edit and post this on YouTube; we can only hope that someone can assist this injustice!

Friday night, we prepare for the Saturday block post food drop.  Sergey just isn’t stepping up to the plate when it comes to cleaning, and playing with the kids.  He is on his phone or the computer most of the time, and his day is filled with texting.   I’m praying over what to do…what am I supposed to do??  God show me, send me someone, that has the vision of serving.  Someone who loves children, has organizational skills, gifts and talents to share with others, and has a deep love for the lost.  Granted, that is a tall order to fill, but someone who is sitting on the computer or on the phone constantly isn’t what I’m looking for at all.  The interesting thing is that he doesn’t preceive his time on the phone as excessive, so my thoughts are that, if he doesn’t think this is a lot of time, I can only imagine the amount of time he is on the phone or computer when he is home.  I’m thankful I have someone with me, and he has a true desire to help the military, which we have now transitioned to helping daily; but what I need is someone who is ready to deal with the kids too. God, send forth! Amen.

Up early on Saturday to boil water and get the rice going.  No sign of Sergey…off to load the van…no Sergey…car out of the garage, gates open, no Sergey…finally, he comes running out…looks like he just woke up, I have no comment.   I have no words…I asked him to be up and ready…not.   But not only that, but he acts as though all is just fine…like wow, he wants to serve, yet it is all just talk.     We go somewhere, and purchase things, and when we return, I’m carrying everything, and then when we get to the door, he turns and says, ‘oh, let me help you’…well, after walking from the car to the door, the remaining 10 ft. isn’t a big deal~~

We get to the block post, and the men come to help us carry food to the food tent.  The men seem to be in good spirits, though when we start to really speak to them, we hear the discouragement in their voices.  They NEED help, they NEED big guns, and they have none.  In many ways, it is so difficult to hear this, as I can’t give them much encouragement, as I don’t have any.  I tell them that I have done everything that I can do…write letters, send photos, anything to get the word out there to the U.S. public that they need help…they need artillery.  They are thankful, though they don’t see any result.  One man comes to us, asking us to call his brother in the U.S., in San Deigo.  I promise to do this, and take his photo to send to his brother, if I am able to get through.   Another man, asks for a razor, a belt (he is using a rope), and a cell phone with 2 sim cards.  Not a fancy phone, just a phone.  He says that he is a person in charge, and he can’t even shave!   It is pitiful to say the very least.  The men lack so much, even the most basic, a belt!   There are men wearing house shoes and socks!   But they are so very thankful for the food and visit, and just talking to someone that listens to them.   They have a ‘camp dog’, Vika..she is just a puppy, but that does help to keep them in good spirits.    I give away 12 more masks, and I only have 5 left.  The men are thankful, even for these little gifts.  I will order more, on Monday. 

May 10 – Sunday – Sergey will be leaving today to go home and spend some time there with his family, gather some more clothing, and just basically ‘get refreshed’, and ready for the long haul of me leaving.  He will be alone…as of now, we don’t know if Sasha , from Kyiv will join him.   He takes the bus to Kons. To catch the train to Odessa, and then a bus to Kherson.  He is very pensive about leaving me, but I assure him that I will be fine, and that he needs to ‘go and get some peace and quiet’.  Really, I have lists of things to do, and him being in my way is a hinderance.  I have the garden to plant, the yard to mow, car to wash inside and out, things to pack, and I would like to paint the inside of the center, if time permits.    I see Sergey off at the bus at 2:30 and I’m back to the center to be greeted with a fire, roasting potatoes.  The kids love a fire, and love even more potatoes.    I remember the ribs that I bought, and then the salo that the army brought, and when the potatoes are done, throw all that on the grill, and cook up some salo for the kids and their potatoes.  It was a wonderful feast for them, and we are very thankful that the army thought of us!

A new week rolls around, and we start with a trip to the Block post #1.   Pastor Sasha decides that he wants to join Oleg and I, so I pick him up on the way.  He purchased all the bread for the meal.  We arrive to the blockpost, and I see new men…some of the same, but also several new.  The new commander, Andrew, speaks English, so that is an added plus for me.  Oleg is there, and shares with us the new memorial for a friend that was killed in February.  The men have made a little memorial in the grass where he died close to the Blockpost.  It is humble, but priceless.  They are all ‘moved’ by Olegs’ words about this hero soldier.    We give all the food, and retrieve the empty containers.  A band of men come walking up, and I remember them from several visits ago, one was the team leader for the ‘scouting unit’.  I hand him a mask, as I can see he has none.  The other men ask if they can have, and the last of the masks is absorbed by the group.  So glad I ordered more!   We stay for about 45 minutes, and Sasha prays over the  men, and the memorial of the downed soldier.  We hear machine guns in the distance, and decide that it is ‘time to leave.’    Sasha seems to be glad that he went along, though later, I receive 2 messages asking me, not to post any photos of Sasha to social media, interesting, but I abide by his request, I’m just thankful that he went along to meet the men, and pray over them.

April 6, 2015 – You know that story, well, another food distribution day, another miracle.  We had 86 people at church today.  We had food for 50 family units.  We had food left over….humm, what’s wrong with this picture??   God is amazing!  People in need, and we were able to abundantly bless them.  Sasha served up a good lesson, Ira shared her testimony, followed by Voloudia, then music, prayer, and then chaos, but controlled chaos.  My new format for the distribution, against all odds, was a success.!   People went through the lines orderly, and abided by the distribution guidelines.  People were served and quietly left.  We were able to have tea and discuss the amazing events of the day.  Children arrived, but we still needed to discuss next Sunday, which is Easter.   Nothing concrete is decided, but that is usual.  Finally at 3:30 the children are allowed in, but all the children have left, but Zhenya.  A few ‘trickle’ back to the center, where we end up having 9 for Bible study and tea.  For the sake of one…

April 7, 2015 – Monday – up and moving, as we have soldiers coming today at 11:30.  As I’m preparing food, I see the invalid man from Sunday that left without his food, so Sergie ran outside to help him, and we collected food in his bag and Sergie walked him home.  That what ya gotta do sometimes, he was physically not able to carry his food, so I’m glad that Sergie was there to be ‘his’ strong arms.’

Now back to the soldiers, you never know who is coming, how they are feeling, what are their thoughts about Americans…so I wait patiently, knowing that I have done my best to welcome them, hopefully, they will accept me for who I am, not ‘what’ I am (a American).  Andre, Kolia, Sergie and Valentin arrive with Oleg around noon.  They go for showers, as they are cold, and dirty.  Lunch is complete, so we are just waiting… they trickle down and play some ping pong, and look at the maps on the walls.  Sergie (one of the soldiers) is mysteriously quiet observing things in the building, I wonder why?  What is he looking for? Or at?  I think about Victor Petrovich, the spy, and hope that Sergie isn’t a spy.  They  eat well, but not as well as other times…they say they are full.  I wonder if they sense something?    They get dressed, and all get hugs from me, as it is important for a person to feel cared about, and a hug is an easy thing to give away!  They part, and ‘our’ Sergie appears to have a tear in his eye.  He is tenderhearted towards the soldiers and their plight.   Each of these men mean the ‘world’ to someone, even though we don’t know who that someone is, he is ‘their” world, their son, brother, uncle, father, someone that means something to someone.  We pray for them, that God keeps them safe.

I talked to Anya from the local orphan shelter, calls and she is in need of more ViSalus (protein) powder, so thankfully, so we are able to make a quick trip over there and drop that off with her.  Years ago, she went to the hospital with a terrible bowel obstruction, and left without about 20 ft. of her intestines. She is thin as a rail, and isn’t able to eat much, so we are very happy to provide her with this protein shake powder. Now, we are off to purchase meat for block post food for Wednesday, then back to the center, where Zhenya is waiting.     It is Alyona’s (the neighbor) birthday today and we have a cake for  her, so we are just waiting for her to arrive and the other kids.  Unfortunately, the shelling has resumed, and it is noisy outside, kids may not come.  We wait and wait, and only Nastia and baby Sasha arrive, as it is also baby Sasha’s birthday.  Oleg also drops by with a huge bag of laundry, 2 big bags of laundry soap, and 2 flats of eggs.  Said someone blessed him, and he in turn wanted to bless us.  The men will be eating eggs when they come next time.  Then Aloyna is summoned home by her mother to help in the kitchen.  So we decide to just wait until Tuesday for cake.   We call it an early night, as shelling is loud, and we want kids to get home by dark.    Exhausted, I get home and do 5 loads of laundry, after I had completed 4 at the center of the men from Block post #1…this laundry is really giving me a work out, as there is no dryer, so alot of very heavy clothing to hang out.

Tuesday – woke to rain, rain, and more rain.  It is very difficult to maneuver in the rain.  I can’t imagine having a war in the rain.  I’m so very glad that I didn’t hang laundry out last night, as I had thought of it, because there is so much.   But I didn’t and glad not.  Today is feeding at the hospital, so I will go and cook this a.m. and take food at noon.  

I prepare food for 18 and head to the hospital.  The men are always very thankful and helpful to get everyone served.  While at the hospital Oleg calls asking if 3 men can come for showers.  In an effort to help as many as possible, we give the  ‘ok’, but that we can’t get home for about 45 minutes, since we are feeding the men.  My mind is racing as to ‘what to fix’ the men to eat, as we just prepared all this food, but probably won’t have much left.  I have some ground meat, and alittle cabbage to add and make a salad, some rice, but no soup.  We complete the lunch rotation, and run to the car and then back to the 2^nd floor to give some pants, towel, underwear and socks to the new wounded.  Then we race home, stopping to purchase bread.  Arriving home, I hit the kitchen with a blast, to start the water for more rice, and the stove pan for cutlets.    The men arrive, and headed upstairs.  The rain was cold, and I’m sure they were wanting a warm shower and clean clothes.  I continued cooking, and kids started to arrive, we sent them home till 4, when the men would be gone.  

The men enjoyed their lunch of cutlets, rice, salad, fried eggs, bread, and French toast for dessert!   Surprisingly, they loved French toast! 

The kids came late, so we allowed them to stay late.  The rain was coming down by the time they left, and we hoped that it would let up, but didn’t.  Shelling was loud and consistent.  I was thoroughly exhausted and needed rest.  Fell into bed at 12:15 a.m….

Aloysha…Aloysha, where are thou Aloysha????   Phone rings at 1:15 a.m., Sergie is telling me that the local police is at the center wanting to talk with me about Alyosha.  Seems he has disappeared.   The police ask a lot of questions, and then ask where Alena lives.  They go over there, but can’t find the house, and return asking for my help.  We get over there, and finally get granny to open the door, and they then look all over the house, and everywhere, and interrogate Alena  for the next 2 hours.  She is crying, and yelling, a total of 6 police are there looking through things, looking throughout the house.  No Aloysha., but did find his backpack with passport, and food, clothing, candles, and a big knife!  More questions, more crying and more yelling.  Sergey and I wait and wait.  Finally, they ‘call it a night’, and give up and take she and her dad to the police station.  Sergey and I finally get home at 4:15 a.m…  Sleep is not possible, since there was so much activity through the night; my stress level is off the charts…so I try to write, but can’t even put on paper the thoughts in my head.  These 2 ‘kids’ are so messed up, with NO support system to help them. Alena’s is searching for a ‘mother’ figure, as her mother died when she was just 11, from cancer…her father and older brother are both alcoholics. Then you have Alyosha, who has no parents (that want him), and he grew up in the local shelter, and then internot. His grandparents just use him for his orphan pension, yet treat him very badly. It is all very sad, and then these 2 dysfunctional people collide, and you have a dysfunctional couple. Alena had been acting very odd, and it seemed that they were planning to run off together, though they k new that wasn’t the ‘right’ thing to do, but just 2 very mixed up kids…I must sleep….Finally doze off , and wake at 9, late for cooking, but exhausted.  

I finally get to the center at 10 and start the rice water, Oleg has called wondering where we are.  With exhaustion nipping at my heels, I get the meat and rice cooking and placed in the containers for delivery to the block post.  I fold all the laundry while the rice is cooking, and get it loaded I the van.  Sergey pretty much does nothing with exception to texting.  He SAYS he wants to help, but every time I make it clear that I need his help, he disappears to the restroom, or upstairs.  I’m not going to push it, I can’t expend the energy, I will just do it myself and not argue about it.     Everyone has a life outside of the the east of UA, even me, I just can conduct that life after ‘business’ hours in UA, but business is still busy in the US.  So I work into the night, while others sleep.

My days are very busy, exhausting, and looking at my schedule for the week: is very busy, feeding soldiers at the blockpost 3x per week, soldiers at the center 3x a week, feeding kids at the center 5x a week (or more), doing soldiers laundry 5x a week (killing my washer), feeding the wounded every 3 days at the hospital, still running the center for kids in the afternoons; Bible study 3x a week…   I barely have time to even think what is next…praying as I go, that people are reached for Christ, that e are that ‘city on a hill’ that is a beacon of hope for those that are searching…and that I don’t forget someone, or something.  Some men have not gotten their clothing back, as it was still wet, so just staying on top of laundry is a job.  I can’t imagine those who are washing by hand, I’m blessed to have 2 washers, and Oleg brought soap!   Washing soap is very expensive for a machine, so this was a big blessing!!

…and all the while shelling still going on outside, but I have so much to do, I fall into bed exhausted every night.

April 9, 2015 – Thursday – relaxed all morning, I had to re-group

Friday – the weather has taken a turn for Spring, and though I went to sleep last night with snow, this a.m. it looks like spring!   I must go to the market today and get some food for cooking for the weekend, so we take off at 11:00.  Money exchange is tight in Dz. right now,and I must go to the big market and see Aloysha for today’s exchange of 24.00!  As we get back to the car, Sasha calls asking me to go to Konstaniavka to pick up Valia.  Wow, that is really bold, considering he has a CAR!  Not so sure why he doesn’t take his own car, but anyway, I agree to do this, but I must go to the hospital first.  I have maturnity bags to give away, and I have a few things to give to the men at the hospital and I must check in Vovo.   We drop off 2 bags with new moms at the baby hospital, and then go over to the other hospital.  6 men are outside, all of which we know.  Sasha tell us that Vovo was transferred to Artomosk because his leg is broken and tendons ripped.  Not good.  We talk a few minutes, and give some men some items that they need, towel, socks, soap, slippers.  Oleg, a soldier from BP #1, is there in the group, and says, ‘oh Teresa, it is you…you are o.k….it is so good to see you.’  He hugs me, and begins to tell about how he was in the water with his gun firing for like 5 hours, and no one came to help him…he was so cold, so now he is ill.  While he talked about the experience, he began to weep and then I hugged him, and he just laid his head on my shoulder and cried.  Tears pouring down his face, he was truly scared for his life.  He said, ‘I need a break, I need a break…but they won’t give me one.’  It is terribly sad.  This man is obviously effected by the war, he needs a break, but there are not enough men to fill the order, no men get breaks…and what breaks they do give are short.   We talked with Oleg for a while, and assured him that we would see him tomorrow, Saturday, for food delivery.   Several other men were there, and glad to hear we were coming tomorrow with home cooked food.  We left, but only after several more hugs from Oleg, and more tears.  “Lord, help these men to sustain…give them strength, mercy, and power to overcome the enemy.”

Saturday –   Beautiful day and very full.   I sometimes think that God puts too much on my plate, and asks too much of me, and then I think of His son, in the tomb, and I can’t do enough.  For me, the worst part is those around me, they really upset me.  I went to the center this a.m. to start the rice for the men at block post #1, and the church people were very upset with me.  They refused to be at the building when the soldiers came to shower and eat.  They were very mean to me, and even refused to drink ‘my tea’, and went and bought their own!  They said that they wanted to be self sufficient!  Like, ‘how’ can you do that if you are meeting in MY building!!!   But it seems that Ira and Voludia have convinced so many that the UA army are bad people….yes, WAR is bad, but UA didn’t start the war, russia did by the illegal invasion of Crimea.  Russia should have just allowed UA to deal with their own problems ‘in house’, and not try to play ‘big brother’ with UA.  Anyway, seems that the soldiers coming to the building is a problem for ‘them’, or at least some of them.  I can already see where this is a dividing point for me.  Sasha also asked them to help me cook, and they refused, because it was for the men.  They stood there and sang Easter songs and then they won’t help, I truly don’t ‘get’ it, but they totally wanted to drink tea and eat cake.  I would probably say I’m ‘beyond’ upset and I hate to think that way about people I have known for so long.   Then, they have the gall to ask me to go to Sasha’s and pick up some pot to cook food over the open fire…wow, such interesting people.   As I told Sergie, we are figuratively and literally washing feet.   

The men are running late, and by the time they arrive, NO ONE of the church members are left, so all that fuss, and they didn’t even have to ‘see’ them!!   WOW, so Sasha greets them, and the men all go upstairs for a shower.  I’m cooking not only for the men, but we are waiting for some reporters from Poland, and then we will go to the hospital to feed men there, as it is our day.   12:00 rolls around, and the reporters roll in.  Pasha, a Polish journalist, and then we have James, a photographer, from FLORIDA!  Shocker, and he speaks no Russian.  Anyway, we welcome them, and soon the men are down from their shower, and ready to eat.  Ten sit down and eat, I’m still focused on the chicken and rice for the block post, so too busy to eat.      Finishing, I clean the dishes, and make the last minute preparations to the food for transport to the hospital.  So many details, plates, napkins, forks, we finally get off, and get to the hospital. 

Serving these men is such a delight, they are so happy, and they need this help.  I guess there is an element of selfishness in this, in that, I do feel needed and wanted, unlike what I feel at home many times…but these men, they need help, and welcome it.   We go to the 2^nd floor, then up to the 5^th.  There are 10 men on 5^th floor, and it is nice to see the men, though I hate to think of them being ill or injured.  We see Oleg and he tells us more about the situation with his friend.   Seems that they were out on a mission, and the other man Vlad, was wounded and caught by DNR.  Seems he was being transported to Ghorlivka and a young girl was the commander, and she told them to pull over, dragging the man to the woods, it was reported that she shot him approx. 40 times in the head, leaving only his jaw, this happened on Wednesday or Thursday, but this man, Vlad had been at the center at one time for shower and lunch.  I’m going to find out who he is, to properly memorialize him.   The ‘Rainbow’ medic confirmed the story, as I think they recovered the body…it was all very disturbing, and even the medic didn’t want to discuss the ‘gore’ of what was left of this man.     God how can this be, how can this continue, even if they turn to you, how will you slew the giant, russia??   So much evil from such a small man.

We return to the center shaken from the story of this man.  I’m so sad, and I want to know ‘who’ he is.

EASTER – April 12, 2015 – Sunday arrives, and we are up and off to the Block Post 2, first time there, but we take Julia’s parents, Andre, another man, the reporters and Valia.   The van is absolutely packed with food and people!  The people are ‘good people, but they aren’t Christians.  We see that later in their conversation with the men.  The post is just past where Valentina (my artist friend who died in 2004 from breast cancer) is buried, so I know just where it is.  It is a huge post with many tunnels, bunkers, look outs, and many men.  I see why they brought so much food.   We are greeted, and warned not to stand on the right side of the van, as there is a sniper on the slag pile several kilometers away, but there have been shots, and even a volunteer was wounded.  So we watch ourselves.  The men are nice, and we see Sasha from the hospital, and he greets us.  Eventually, a group of commanders show up, and they prepare to eat, so we take a few photos, and leave.  But it is a good visit, and I’m glad we went, whether I return, I don’t know, as there are a lot of men there.  

After several calls from Sasha, about picking up Marina, we finally arrive to Marina’s to pick up she and the pot for cooking their ‘grits’ over the open fire.   It is after 10, and she is NOT happy.  Adding fuel to the fire that has already started from the day before that they aren’t happy with my soldier involvement.  They don’t want to be a part of it, and don’t like it that I arranged for them to come to the building for showers during ‘their’ church service!   So we arrive to church, and I go over to the house.  I’m’ NOT happy with their unkind and unchristian behavior…I work on cleaning the pots, and laundry.    The have church, but I’m running back and forth between houses to put up laundry and cook.   After church, I just can’t deal with their drama any more, I’m going home to wait it out till the laundry is done.  I pop in and out of the center, and Valia asked if I was joining them for tea.  ‘NO’ I say and promptly leave.  It saddens me that I have tried and tired to intertwine these people into this ministry and they just are not interested in serving, children, people, soldiers, the lost…anyone.  So let them ‘be’.  God tell us that we should ‘shake the dust off and move on.’ So I have reached the end of my rope.  The laundry is done, and I go over to pick it up.  Valia comes to me and says that the church is talking about the situation, and they want me to sit and listen.  Trying to be objective, all I can hear is that they don’t want to help UA in any way, whether it be soldiers in the field, soldiers in the hospital…no one…I feel like God has really shown me that I just do not need to continue with this group…they are so caught up in politics that they can’t see the needs around them.  I share with them, that I won’t be asking for their help in the future, and I won’t be serving IDP’s at the building on Sunday anymore.   I’m sure that it pains God the division, but I can’t ‘not’ help just to appease them.  They are asking me to NOT serve?   That is just crazy.  That is the question I want to ask them…are they asking me to STOP serving??   The meeting ends up with no resolve.  I’m sure God is very sad, but for me to concede and not serve, that isn’t an option.  They all leave, giving me the cold shoulder.

We have 15 kids there for a meal over the fire.  Sasha uses the pot that I picked up, and makes the usual gruel with sala.   The kids love it, and they love the attention.  There is so much left over, I’m going to use it tomorrow to add to the cutlets for the men at the hospital.  After the kids leave, we decide to go to the hospital to visit and give out easter sweets.  Hospital visitation used to happen every Sunday night, and now it doesn’t happen at all.  Valia, Sasha and Vanya Moroz took floors 3 and 4, as there are no soldiers there, and Sergey and I took, 2 and 5.  We visited EVERYONE, giving them sweets and proclaiming Jesus has risen!!   When we went to the 5^th floor, we turned to the right to visit the patients first, and then go to the soldiers.  We went to the end of the hall and there we met, Edward, a man completely yellow from kidney and/or liver failure.  He didn’t have a clue ‘who’ we were, but as with everyone we introduced ourselves. Then he asked us to sit with him.  God puts us in interesting places to meet interesting people and have interesting God opportunities…Went to the hospital Sunday to wish people a Happy Easter, announcing “Jesus as Risen.”. and this man, Edward asks if we can sit and talk to him, at which we do. He tells us that he is all alone, only has a ‘mom’. No wife, and no children. He then shares that he ‘drank a lot throughout his life.’ (it is obvious) Edward is dying from liver failure his skin is very yellow, the whites of his eyes are yellow. I stressed to Sergie that Edward would not live long, and that we needed to make the most of this opportunity. Edward talked and talked, and asked for some reading materials. Monday night, we returned for a visit, taking a book. Edward wasn’t feeling well, talked little, and we left, telling him we would return tomorrow. Pray for Edward, he didn’t want to pray tonight, though last night he did express a desire to pray. 

Monday, new day of the week, and it was decided that we would go to Block post #7, we had heard of problems there, men eating nothing but pasta and kasha.  We prepared rice and chicken, salad, chicken soup, and homemade cinnamon rolls.   One our way out of the settlement, we pass Sasha and stop and ask and persuade him to go with us.  It is good that he is going, so he can see these men that they aren’t the savages they are made out as.  We stopped off in ‘New York’ and met the commanding officer and agreed to follow one another to the block post.  It was a long ways out of town, and on a back road to Donetsk.  Once arriving at the entry point, we drove through sunflower fields, and finally arrived to the front, to be met by 10 men.   Slowly more men walked up from the fields and joined our conversation.  Then I noticed Maxim whom I had met with Yuri, that I gave the roll of plastic and nails for their shelter.   Several of the men realized who I was, and thanked me profusely for the plastic and nails, saying that they were building the shelter, and that they appreciated the help.  We stayed with the men for about one hour talking and Sasha prayed over the men.  The men truly appreciated this, and we left, feeling that we had given them some hope.   

We arrived back to the center, and James and Pavlo wanted to get on the road.  They had a drive to Krasnarminsk.  Just as they left, we received a call from Victor Radchenko telling that a UA aid worker, Victor was taken by the DPR.  Seems he was waiting for someone to drop a package off for him to take back to Kyiv, and the DPR came up and saw his van with UA flags, and they kidnapped him.  No one has heard from him since, and last we heard, he was in captivity waiting for the commander to decide his fate.   Not a good sign.  Praying for this man’s release. 

It is so nice to have fellow Christians to encourage you, and Oleg is a great encourager.  He brought a group from his church over to sing and encourage us.  It was such a fun time, and one man could play the accordion.  Amazing instrument, he obviously loved playing and singing to the Lord.  The entire service I had a strange feeling of urgency to get to the hospital to visit Edward.  So as soon as they left, I mentioned it to Sergey who was fairly exhausted, and said, ‘my flesh says ‘no’, but my mind says, ‘yes’, if you feel we need to go then left’s go.’  Vanya Moroz wanted to go along with us, so we left, and arriving at the hospital, we got up to the 5^th floor, and found Edward’s mother with him.  This is good…but we think because of this, he didn’t want to pray.  We did bring him 2 books to choose from, and he took a book about ‘choices’ and dealing the consequences of your poor choices.  Interesting choice.   We didn’t stay long, as he was tired, and he looked awful…I reflected on our time with him and how we are called to reach out, even for the ‘sake of 1’…

Tuesday, cooking for the hospital men, Valia was so sweet to get up and make borscht for the men.  She has been such a blessing being here for several days for the holidays.  I miss her so much, as she is not only a great encourager, but such a worker for the Lord.  She truly loves the Lord, and wants to do the right thing, and serve others.   She is torn between living in Mariupol in a free apt., and having a great job, and living here, where service opportunities are endless, she has people who encourage her, and she has a job, and a place to live.  She says, ‘it is complicated’, but I don’t see the issues like she does.  So many people/children depend on her here, and though she knows this, this isn’t enough to influence her to stay here.   Service opportunities here are endless, and she knows all this, but she believes God has sent her to Mariupol and that maybe in a year or 2 or 3, she will return… by then I think that the opportunities will be gone, people grown or moved away, and she will have to start all over again, but she must come to those conclusions.  She is very wise, beyond her years, so God has given her discernment, and she is where she believes God wants her.

We prepare cutlets, and boiled potatoes, and finish the borscht, and leave for the hospital.  Up to the 5^th floor, to room 17.  Seems to be the ‘hub’ for the soldiers.  We find, Oleg, another Oleg, Grecia, Igor and Roman.  Oleg, and Igor were ‘new’, and it was interesting to get in ‘their heads’.  Oleg and Igor both, were very moved by our acts of kindness, and listened to each word spoken.  Oleg could not thank us enough for bringing food to them, offering aid.

Going to the block post today.  Picked up Julia’s family, and we headed in the direction of #2.  This is the block post where 4 men in a altered vehicle with some sort of gun attached, as hit by a shoulder missile, and blown to pieces.   One lost an arm, one lost an eye and may lose the other, one lost about ¼ of his head, but is still alive, the 4^th, has a shrapnel wound to the neck.   We left in a mist rain, which turned to a light rain by the time we arrived.  We unloaded, but as the men heard we had face masks, they came from all directions to get a mask.  They were very thankful, and I was very glad we ordered them.  The masks protect the men from wind, rain, and of course add to the ‘hidden factor’ when they are in the fields or out on patrol.  Julia’s parents had a lot of food, we brought just rice for 60 and the masks.  We stayed a while with them men, just visiting with them, but staying out of the line of sniper fire. 

Back to the center, I wanted to bake some cinnamon rolls for our hospital visitation Sunday night.  Olya is my ‘right arm’ when it comes to the kitchen.  I really would like to mold her into a good chef, but who knows what her young mother will allow.  So we just do the best we can.  I had her clean some onions we received as a gift from Oleg and Ludmilla, his wife, and then she came and helped with the rolls.  The kids were so amazed with them.  But they were happy to have French toast for their snack.  The UA army gave us several jars of jam, so I’m using that on cookies and French toast. 

Sunday – The angels are singing, as this morning Lena, Natasha and Yuri’s daughter, a new IDP from Ghorlivka , repented and she prayed for forgiveness.  It was such a blessed day.   Sergey blessed us with a song, and Sasha taught a lesson about the road to Ammaus.  After service, we had Yuri, Natasha, Vlad, Lena, Sasha and Marina stay for some rice and bread and fellowship.  I had a lot of questions to Lena, but it just didn’t seem like the right time.  How are things in Ghorlivka?  Was she afraid walking around town…are people even walking around??  What is the ‘climate’?  Prices??   But it just didn’t seem right…  After an afternoon with kids and Bible study, Sasha, Sergey and I were off to the hospital to minister to people.  Weather was cold, to the point of an ice storm!  The crazy weather really affects people, and Sergey has a headache, and rightfully so.  We get to Edward, and he agrees to allow Sergey to pray with him, if Sasha and I leave, so we do..and head down to another room.  Sergey catches up to us later, down the hall visiting others.  It was such a blessing, and hopefully we were ‘sowing seeds’.    We had about 13 of the 17 we met that agreed to pray with us.  Praise the Lord.

3-27-2015 – Cooking for 60 men is not easy, but it is with great pleasure to serve these heroes.  These men that so many Ukrainians have just forgotten about.  It is beyond my understanding.  But the morning began with cooking onions, garlic, carrots, meat and rice for the men of block post #1.  This seems to be ‘our’ block post and the men are getting to know us.  I pray for all of the men in the war, it is just even harder when you personally know some of them.    Oleg calls and is ready to go, as there is usually only a ‘window’ of time that we can go up to the block post.  So we are on our way after a quick stop for bread. We have an arrangement with the local bread factory, and they give us the bread from the day before, which they would normally pitch, but really it is all quite fine.  We arrive, and all is quiet.  The men that are there at the station are happy to see us, and gladly take the food.  They are very appreciative, I will say that for sure.  The kids at the center have been working on blue and gold bracelets, and we give them out to the soldiers. They gladly took our bracelets, and helped each other put them on.  We didn’t stay long, as we needed to get down to ‘New York’, as men were waiting on us, as they needed blankets, some special nails, and flashlights.   We picked up Julia on our way, and off to Novgorodskoye or New York.  We now have a block post at the ‘cross roads’ to New York, and that is comforting, thinking that maybe they are trying to find that white Lada that was out here in Zabalka posing at DNR.  Who knows, but it does make me feel safer having more block posts, and more men here.  We have been told, and we can see, that more troops have arrived.  They are clearly here!   Julia and I comment how we feel safer with them here!  We get to the check point, and they see our flag on the dash board, and just wave us through.       We decided to meet Maxim, the block post 2^nd in charge on a side road by the train station, as the market was too congested, and we could not go to the block post, as it is too far, and way too dangerous.  Maxim and another soldier were very nice, and greeted us warmly.  We gave them all the supplies they asked for, and then took an inventory of what they may need, as we will return tomorrow (Saturday) with more supplies.  Maxim proceeded to tell us how they basically have nothing to build a place to hide, sleep, anything… so everything is very appreciated.  They really need mattresses, but we have none to give, and they are no where to be found in Dzerzhinsk.  Feeling pretty helpless for that need.  Soldiers are purchasing nails with their own money, food, flashlights, it is all just crazy….how do you adequately protect your country like this???  Maxim actually returned to Ukraine from a good paying job in Poland to come and volunteer for the war.  He went to training, where he eventually left training because he said that most of the instructors were drinking all the time, and they didn’t learn much.  He came to the ‘front’ in just street clothing!  And it was not until yesterday that he even had camouflaged clothing.  Someone gave him a uniform, and he only had sport shoes, and not in the best condition.    I just wanted to take him home and ‘redress’ him…thinking that he is some ones son, brother, husband, something…but here as a volunteer to protect us without even proper shoes!    Maxim spoke some English, and he would make comments to me in English, asking about ‘where I was from’, and making comments about how nice Florida is.    We promised that we would return tomorrow, Saturday with the items that they requested.  We hugged and parted, he returning to the front, us to Dzerzhinsk to start the search for items.  

Returning the to center, we searched through the garage for items, and made the conclusion that we had nails, but not the plastic,  

3/28/15 – Saturday started early, with baking a banana and apple cake for the men.  They absolutely love this recipe, and find it so interesting. Valeryi called and said that the men needed to push the shower time to 11:30, thus, we needed to get moving the morning to purchase the plastic for ‘New York’ block post, pick up the sheets, purchase meat, prepare the lunch, then race to Novgorodskoye or New York at 1….but then the phone rings again, and Oleg says, we need to push it to 1:30.  Wow, talk about flexible.  Readjusting the schedule is a must… We tell all people who come to Ukraine, ‘Be Flexible’.  I was beginning to feel like a gymnast.    The morning was just crazy, started with going to the ‘home store’ to compare prices of the plastic for block post #74.  They are in need of shelter, and this will be used as several shelters.  They also needed nails, which thankfully we had in the garage, left over from building the center.  Two block posts received nails!  I had earlier picked up the sheets and towels for the men over at the ‘hospital’ compound, and needed to get those back.  They were very thankful, and what a blessing to see Alex and Sasha; alive and well.  Praise the Lord.  Alex said that Yuri was going to be arriving soon.  They invited us in for tea, but we unfortunately had to decline, as we had many places to go.  Made a quick call to Maxim to see if he needed anything else out in New York, and he mentioned they needed large white bags for sand bagging.  Ran to the big market and bought 32 from merchants.    Then we were off to Novgorodskoye (New York).  Arrived to the rail crossing, and there was 10 cars backed up.  We could see ‘our guys’ 4 cars ahead of us, so Valeryi went up and mentioned to them that we could go over to a side street and make the exchange of ‘good’s.  They were fine with that, and we took off down the road.  Stopped off and gave them the plastic, nails and bags.  Maxim was so sweet, he gave me a little prayer book that some one gave to him, I really didn’t want this, as it was from the orthodox church, but I graciously took it, and gave them all a hug, and encouraged ‘safety’, and off we went, the whole stop was 10 minutes, as we had many places to be today.   We then were to meet with Oleg’s daughter, and friend Lilia for tea.  We felt so rushed, it was really not fair to her.  We were in and out of her house within an hour, as we were supposed to pick up Oleg at 1, and then men at 1:30.  We started heading back to Dz., and there on the road along the way, we see Inna, from Start church, her husband, stranded in the road.  We pull off to help.  Little did I know that there were 4 VERY large people in the car with him.  We decide that we need to ‘tow’ the van, but don’t really know if my van can pull this weight. We started to go, very slowly, and we got through the check point, and veered to the left, to go up the hill to Dz.  We had to stop and pick up a man from their group who had started walking for help.  Unfortunately, we stopped exactly where a bomb had hit the road, and reduced the road to only 1 lane, where the tow rope decided to break!   With cars coming from both directions, I prayed for help, and within 5 minutes we were on our way.  Thank the Lord we made it to Dz., as my car ‘gas’ light had come on, and I knew we needed to get gas ourselves.   I pulled over at the bus stop and then the 4 very large people piled into my car and we took them up to the grocery ‘Christina’; then we had to stop and get gas, and then we met Oleg.  He was upset, but we explained, the situation, and we could not just leave these people on the road.   We raced to the block post where the men were walking down the road with all their dirty laundry.  Six of them.  They all piled in the van, thank God, truly that I bought a van!  There was an eerie quiet all the back, I don’t know if it is because they are leaving their friends, the front, or what, but this is how it usually is, they are very quiet around us.  Sometimes I think that maybe seeing volunteers reminds them that there is the ‘real world’ out there, and then they think about their loved ones, etc., whereas just staying in the war keeps their minds off what they have left behind.   I don’t know, all is speculative…We get back to the center, and they head up for showers, 2 stay down stairs waiting their turn.  

At this point I’m frantic to get food prepared, as I have nothing prepared at all.  Oleg asks if he can help, so I put him to work on carrot salad.  I make the cutlets, and rice, we have jarred tomatoes, and pickles, bread, and then for dessert I made the apple/banana cake in the morning.   As the men completed their showers they wandered down stairs and would talk alittle, but not much.  I gave them each a bracelet, and they appreciated that; and Andre gave me one of his battalion patches!  Such an honor !!!   The men seemed to really enjoy their food, and tea, but after we finished, and chatted briefly, they were ready to head back to the front.  After a couple of photos, and a stop at the market, we were on our way back.  They called ahead to get a report on the situation and where I should ‘drop’ them; they told me to stop by the ‘downed’ tree, as there had been sniper fire.  I wanted to get them closer, but they insisted that I stop and said, ‘we don’t want anything to happen to you Teresa.”   They all piled out of the van, and we all hugged and they thanked us, and kissed me on the cheeks.  The last look at them walking together down the road back to what may or may not be their death, I whispered a prayer over their lives.   It was a blessing to serve them, and hopefully minister to some of the broken lives this war has caused.  Driving back to the center, Valeryi wanted to stop at the Route 20 and hang with some friends, though I encouraged him to just return to the center, as it was very cold and windy, but he insisted he needed time to ‘hang out’, so I dropped him, and I returned home, one of the few cars on the road, but enjoying the quiet. Getting the gate open, car through the gate, close the gate, open the garage, car in the garage, close and lock garage, then off to clean up. l what a mess, as usually I clean as I go, but no time for that today…, but as I’m cleaning it is a time of reflection, and gratitude to our Lord for providing this place; NEVER did I think that we would be in a war, and I would be helping UA military, I only ever wanted to serve and help orphans. God had other plans…but we move forward, serving where we are placed…for the sake of one.

2/29/2015 Sunday – 5:45 a.m.

You never want to be woke up at 5:45 a.m, by the police…just never a good start on the day!  And so it was, the local police were at the gates of the center asking for Valeryi’s documents.  They wanted me to get in their car and go to the police station.  I was still wearing my sweat pants, I asked to run home and change.   Quickly, I ran home, and threw on some clothes, combed my hair and put some light make-up on.  Grabbed all my documents, and out the door.  With a million things going through my head, we arrive to the police station; not knowing if Valeryi was dead or alive, beaten, just didn’t know.   The officers began to tell me the events of Saturday night, and I can’t believe my ears.  A young man that is so vehemently against drinking; was completely intoxicated beyond, standing,  speaking, and is basically passed out in a chair in the corner of a room.  One police man asked me if he was an American…lived in the U.S., didn’t speak Russian…when I answered ‘no’, they all basically chuckled, and then told me that he stated several times that he was an American, and didn’t speak Russian, and spoke to them in English.  Eventually he spoke in Russian, and was combative to the policemen and subsequently threatened to kill one officer and his family.    It was all I could do was stand there in disbelief, and had they not had an audio of the arrest, it would have been hard for me to believe.    The officer that he threatened was very upset, and told us that he would have a fine of at least 450 and more for the damages at some bar, where they picked him up.  He had thrown his phone down, breaking it, though they were only trying to get a number to call and to have someone pick him up, but instead of just handing the phone over, he threw it down, and his coat.  The story was just something out of ‘left field’.  Valeryi started his Saturday evening, by me encouraging him to ‘stay home’.    But Valeryi said that he was going out to the Route 20 (the local gas station/pizza place).   He promised to let me know when he arrived home.  I had taken some cold medicine and went to bed at 9:15 but didn’t hear any text.  But seems he stayed at the Route 20 till 10, and then left in a taxi, where he says (Sunday afternoon), that he headed home, but then decided to ‘drive around’, ending up at Christina (the grocery/coffee place) to treat the driver to some coffee, but then the driver got a call to go to ‘Broadway’ a local bar, so Valeryi decided to go there, since the taxi was going there anyway.   At Broadway, Valeryi went in and that is the last he remembers.  Broadway personnel says he was drinking, and tried to fight 2 of the waiters when asked to leave.  He did not want to leave, and ended up yelling and then over turning a table and some chairs.  They eventually phoned the police, who arrived, and had the encounter with him.  They were able to put the phone back together and found Oleg’s daughter, Lily’s number on the phone, and phone her at 5:30 a.m. to find someone who could come and get him.   She ultimately called her father, who went to the station, and then they called me at 6:15 to come and pick him up.  Of course, it wasn’t just to pick him up.  He was to pay this fine, and be charged, and then leave Dz., as the policeman instructed him to leave Dzerzhinsk and the oblast.  Oleg being friends with the new Chief of Police he asked to speak to him, and they called him in on Sunday morning…the Chief arrived around 8:30, and we were summoned upstairs, but trying to get V up there was a tasks, he was grabbing door handles and wouldn’t let go; then tried to leave the front door, but 2 policemen stood firm, then all of a sudden, he turned, and bolted upstairs, with us following.  We were taken to the chief office, and we went to the front and sat next to him, whereas Valeryi sat in the back of the room, disrespectful to the chief.  The chief was not unkind in any way, and thanked us for our service to the army.  Oleg was very respectful and worked on trying to get Valeryi out of this trouble.  The chief was clear and said, that he would remove the charges, but that Valeryi needed to leave Dzerzhinsk and Donetsk oblast immediately.  He said, ‘we don’t want him here…we don’t need people like him here, we have enough problems….’   We agreed to do this, and quietly left.  The police man that was threatened, he told us again, that Valeryi needed to leave.   Valeryi was in no position to leave, or go anywhere, so Oleg took him to his place to sleep, since it was 9:30, and people would be arriving for church. 

Tough morning, exhausting, and shocking, so I started trying to figure out the future, since Valeryi was leaving.  Whether today or tomorrow, he had to leave.  I had 17 wounded soldiers to feed in the afternoon, and needed to get started on that, but just exhausted, physically and mentally, as I’m verging a cold as it is, so I’m taking cold medicine which tends to slow me down, and then all the stress of the morning, knowing Valeryi must leave, and thinking of ‘who’ will come to help me. Lord give me some wisdom on this, you know the need, now, please provide.

2:00 comes around, and I must start cooking.  Julia is not able to join me, so Lena (her friend) will come and help me.    It is great to see the men, and they welcome us with food.  We were able to feed everyone,  and I dropped off Lena, and then went to Oleg’s to pick up Valeryi.  He was awake, but not really alert, and argued about ‘what happened’.  His ‘story’ just doesn’t add up at all.   Doesn’t make sense, and changes frequently.   First, he was alone, then he was with 2 guys, then he was alone…Oleg and I both told him that he had to leave Dz., that the police men told us this.  He didn’t believe, but we didn’t want to take him back to the police station, in fear that they would be mad at us for not getting him out of town, like they instructed.   Oleg also mentioned that when he does leave, to make sure to leave all the souvenir’s at the center, because it is illegal to have ‘live’ ammo, and he would be crossing the block post on the way to Konstantinovka.   I fell into bed Sunday night…literally numb from the days events, I can write no more…

3/30/15 – Monday morning, I must prepare food for the soldiers that are coming from the blockpost.  Oleg calls and changes the number from 4 to 6.  I race to the center and see that I need to go to the store for some food, and off I go, leaving Valeryi a note that he was leaving at 12:30 for the bus.  My plan was to drop him at the bus station, and allow him to be ’23!’ and take the bus himself to the train station.   V was under the impression that I would take him, and I said, ‘no’.  he was shocked.  Though I can’t figure out ‘why’.  I didn’t make the mess, he did, so he pays to leave.  I dropped him off, and went to pick up Oleg to drive to the block post to pick up 7 men!!    Arriving home, and completing the cooking, men had cutlets, salad, rice, bread and coffee cake.  During the showering, I noticed water coming down from the upstairs, down the kitchen window.  I asked Oleg to check on it, and he rain upstairs, then came back for the mop.  Water was pouring out the ceiling, and moving further and further over the ceiling.  What a mess, and ‘where’ was all that water coming from… like a broken pipe.   The men finally came down, and I fed them and ran upstairs to check and there I found the PVC tube on the last shower was completely apart, not connected at all, so water was going everywhere.  Just overwhelming, Oleg said that he would repair, but the damage to the ceiling was evident. 

Later in the day, Valeryi called, and seems he had some problems at the check point that sure enough  he tried to pass through the border with live ammo and was caught.  He needed money for a lawyer, and wanted me to go to Konstantinovka to talk to the police chief.  I told him that I wasn’t not coming to Konstantinovka. today or any day alone, and that I wasn’t coming anytime soon.    Valeryi got upset with me, and raised his voice, at which I put him in his place, whereas he turned and threatened to go to the press about me, the problem was, is that he had nothing to ‘go to the press’ with.; except good stuff.!  When you are there doing ‘good stuff’, kinda hard to ‘go to the press’…  I finally told him that he had burned the bridge and that the conversation was over, God bless him, and not to call again.      Mentally exhausted.  that I think I’m just sleep walking…Valeryi, tried to engage me by calling over and over, and then at 11:10 p.m. asks if his friend, Max in Kirovo Rog can all me.   Max starts the call by asking me about ‘firing Valeryi where I must stop him in his tracks, and say, ‘I didn’t fire Valeryi.  This continues to be a frustration due to Valeryi telling people this.  Max shares with me that Aloyna is pregnant with V. baby and that is why she is in the hospital.  I about fell over!  He totally ‘played’ us, and played the ministry.  As a Christian charity, he probably didn’t think I would hire him if he told the truth about the baby, and he was correct, I would not have hired him.   Max shares more and more with me about Valeryi’s personality and behavior traits; but considering what Valeryi has told me about Max, I’m not sure what to believe anymore.  Max assured me, that Aloyna was in the hospital due to have a baby, not due to her back, as Valeryi insisted. 

Well, things didn’t get any better for a few days, and Valeryi thought it was best to try and threaten me into helping me, saying that I was somehow responsible for him and getting him back to Kyiv since I took him from Kyiv.  Granted, under regular circumstances, that may be true but at this point it is his responsibility to get himself back ‘home’ since he messed UP, BIG.   I tried to explain all this, but he just started yelling that he was going to the ‘press’ and T.V. show, etc and try to say something bad about me and the charity.   Oleg made a call to him and explained that he had no right to threaten me, and told him to STOP, or that he would take action at his university to stop him.  As of Sunday, I haven’t heard from Valeryi again!  Thank goodness. 

It is back to work, and can’t get caught up in the past.  Moving on, I put out a note on social media that I need a translator.  Andrew Kelley, fellow worker in the Lord mentions that he may know someone in Kherson.  Sergey and I make contact and he says that he wants to pray on it and get back with me in the morning.  I pray that God sends someone, someone that wants to do this work, and work with the community and the kids.   I wonder if my discernment skills are lacking, in that I trusted Valeryi, granted, I rested a lot of my discernment on Stephanie, which at this point, turned out to be a real problem.   We have uncovered layers of issues and I’m glad he is gone.    I’m thoroughly exhausted, and don’t know how I will do this alone, but God will provide, and see me through.   

Water, water, everywhere…..Monday comes, and Oleg is to bring 4 soldiers.  He arrives, and the guys all go upstairs, I start cooking.  While cutting potatoes, I see water coming down the kitchen window, then more and more, and the ceiling.  I run and get Oleg, he sees the problem, and runs upstairs.  Says that the bathroom is flooding, and gets a mop, which is futile.  Too much water, but at least the men complete their showers.  Cooking is complete, and they come down to eat, while I go up to clean up the massive water issue. Checking all the pipes, I see that we have a completely unscrewed plumbing pipe in the ladies shower space.  Oleg and I assess the issue and he thinks it is a broken pipe, but I show him that it is just disconnected.   He says that he will return in the afternoon to fix, and he takes the men back to the block post.  I feel really bad, as I didn’t get to visit with the men as much as usual due to the water issues.    I get everything cleaned up, and start on laundry.   First load out, it is 3 o’clock, and I run it upstairs to the girls side, and find ‘water, water, water’….seems the water seeped under the wall and through to the room, and there was water everywhere.   I put on my ‘plumber hat’, grabbed towels, and started to dry the best I could, and at the very least move water to get it to dry faster.  Used the water to wash the floors upstairs, so at the very least, spread it out to dry… Now we must find the leak, tomorrow.

4/3/2015 – Friday, it was off to Konstantivka to shop for food for food boxes.  I decided it best to take Oleg along with me, and Larissa decided to go along too.   Our plan was to  pick up 13 bags of vegetables, potatoes, carrots, onions, 30 kilos of sugar, 60 kilos of pasta, 30 cans of milk, 80 cans of fish, 50 bags of monka, 45 litres of oil, 30 kilos of flour, 45 boxes of tea.  What I thought would be a 2 hour trip, ended up being closer to 6, but one reason was we got a very late start.  Plans were to leave at 9:30, and I was ready to go, when I arrived to get Oleg his phone rings and he then says, ‘can someone go to the center and bath and sleep all day while we are gone?’.  I have no idea what he is talking about but that someone needed a place to stay, and it was a soldier.  I get Sergey on the phone, and it seems that this man, Victor Peterovich, is a commander and working ‘very undercover’ for UA and he has been behind enemy territory poising as a Russian soldier gathering information…and he is totally stressed out and needed to get out of Ghorlovika and needed a secret place to stay, and rest.   He had been running and hiding for 2 days, and was exhausted.  We zoom back to the center, and there is an all ‘black’ car, with heavily tinted windows, and black license plates, and out of the car comes a man, and Oleg whisks him into the center, and the car zooms away.  I was barely out of the van, and they were in the center, with Victor in the restroom.   I quickly threw some food in a pan and turned on the kettle.  He insisted on no food, but I knew he was tired and hungry.  I put the food in front of him and the tea…he just kept saying how exhausted he was, and his eyes clearly showed it, as they were totally bloodshot.  He was thin as a rail, and talked about how he was running and hiding in the bushes to get back to UA side.  He still had his Russian beret’ complete with hammer and sickle emblem.  I was a little shaky about allowing him to stay at the center, but really there isn’t much there for him to take, and no money at all.  Maybe the laptop, but that is all.   While he talked with Oleg, I ran upstairs to prepare his bed with sheets and blankets, and a towel for bathing.   He dragged himself upstairs, profusely ‘thanking me for my kindness’ and asked that ‘no know that he is there. ‘   Oleg and I left, and Oleg locked him inside the building.   We were off to pick up Larissa and finally off to Konstatinivka.

Arriving, we were able to get potatoes for only 3.20 per kilo, and onions and carrots for 4.gh a kilo.  Amazing, as prices are much higher in Dz.  We picked up sugar, canned milk, canned fish, monka, flour, pasta, tea and oil, saving us hundreds, if not thousands of ghrivnas.    Standing in line after line, people everywhere trying to save, just like us…we arrived back to the center at almost 4:00.    Oleg unloaded the van, and then went to get Misha, a soldier that was returning home to Ternipol for 10 days to see his ill son, and his brother who was having open heart surgery.  He was stressed about all this, but it was good for the kids to see the real soldiers, with real life issues, that they are real people with families, and kids, etc.  Our kids needed to see this, needed to talk to someone from UA side, as all they hear is russian propaganda crap.  Misha arrived around 5:30, and wanted to clean up.  We invited him to the Bible study, and he came down for a while, but he was very tired, and wanted to rest.  After the study, he joined us for tea and I prepared some food for him, and he then went to bed.  Tomorrow he will go with us to Konstantinivka and we will pick up Sergey the new translator.  Thank goodness, he arrives tomorrow. 

April 4, 2015 – Saturday – wake to snowing and ice storm – WOW, it is APRIL, and we have snow– we head out to Konstatinivka to pick up Sergey, and drop off Misha.  Larissa, Angel and Larissa ‘s husband, Sergey join, Oleg and I for the trip.  Seems that they want to purchase something in Konstatinivka.  We get through the check point because we are carrying a soldier, and on to Konstatinivka.  By the time we arrive, the snow has turned to rain.  We find Sergey and get his bag loaded, say our good-byes to Misha and Larissa and Sergie go to the market.  We finish what we need to do in less then 10 minutes, but then Larissa and group are no where to be found.  We look and look, but after 45 minutes, we go to the van, as it is getting cold.  Sergie and Angel find us, and we take Angel as it is getting cold, and Sergie goes back out for another 30 minutes to look for Larissa.  Finally he returns with her, and we head back to the center, losing over 1.5 looking for Larissa.  Church members are at the center waiting to get started bagging food for the IDP’s, not that they need my help on that, but they waited.  All the vegetables get packed, and then I start cooking for men at the hospital.  Sergie, Aloyna and I leave for the hospital around 2, very late for them, and for us, as the kids have come to the center looking for it to be open for them.  We explain that we must go and feed the soldiers, and though they understand, they are upset that this infringes on ‘their time’ at ‘their center’. I have yet to make it clear to the kids that the ‘center’ doesn’t personally belong to me or them, but to the charity, and they are guests. We leave and invite them back for later in the afternoon.

Once at the hospital, it is good to see the men, but seems not all are in the best spirits.  On the previous week,  a drunk UA soldier started a verbal encounter with a drunk man, and ended up shooting him, wounding him.  The towns people of Artuma were and are very angry with the UA army.  Granted, one bad apple doesn’t make the whole bunch bad…but try telling that to a group of angry, hungry people!  They see the UA army as ‘the enemy’ instead of the protector, though they are, just one bad guy~~  So we ran into a couple of soldiers that were with civilians, and they were pretty stressed about it, and rightfully so.  Here we are feeding the soldiers, and we don’t have enough food for everyone, but they have the soldiers in with civilians instead of having them all together, which is easier for us, and them.   No logic at all, but adds to their stress level.    We got through the feeding, and had some good conversation with Sasha and a couple of other soldiers.  They are very thankful for the help.     We race back to the center, where kids are waiting…they get to meet Sergie for the first time…

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Thursday March 19, 2015 – feeding the block post.   Went out to the block post #1, by the water canal with rice and meat.  So thankful that we found the meat at a good price, and had some rice.  Feeding 30 men isn’t easy when you must plan around a war.  We arrived at the block post, and things were quiet.  We met several of the men, and they were very thankful for the food and encouragement.  We said a prayer over the men there at the bunker area.   Valeryi was observing all the guns and equipment, when we hear shooting.  It seems pretty close, and the men tell us to get in the bunker.  Two of the men stand in front of the opening to the bunker.  We hear shouting over the radio, and asking for someone to help, ‘close the gate,…..close the gate…’  this means that there was a ‘hole’ in their line, and they needed to close that gap.  It was all very tense for a while, and then things got quiet and the commander thanked us, several men kissed my hands, and then they told us to ‘run for your car’.   We took off running, and did not looking back.   

March 20, 2015 – Leaving the hospital on today, we met a soldier in the stair well.  We had not seen him earlier, and asked where his room was.  We followed him to the 3^rd floor, and we had no other men on that floor.  He said it was the cardiac ward, and that he had ‘high pressure’.  ‘No – duh….we are in a war’, but he was very stressed looking.  We followed him in the room, and introduced ourselves, and he was shocked that anyone was giving out free tings.  We gladly gave him a care bag, and some clothing, and asked what else he may need.  He shyly asked for some slippers.  I told him that we would be ‘right back’.  He looked at us in disbelief.  Valeryi and I scurried down to the car and got the slippers and a few other things, and ran them back up to the room, where he was just sitting on the bed.  We entered, and he was clearly shocked to see us again.  We handed him the slippers and other gifts, and he stood up, eyes were like glass, welled in tears, and he profusely thanked us for our gifts, and for the visit.  Kissing my hands over and over, we slowly backed out of the room, visibly seeing what just a little of kindness can do for a person’s spirits.  It was no trouble for us at all and yet it was like Christmas to him. Thank you Lord, for the opportunity to serve him.

During our rounds at the hospital delivering aid and subsequent food; we met a man who very much isolated himself from us.  He didn’t and wouldn’t look at us, and even turned away in the bed while we talked to his 4 other roommates.  First visit we just left the care bag on the end of his bed, as to not disturb him.  The second visit, he was out of bed, but didn’t make any eye contact with us.  He watched as we gave the others the couple of items they asked for.  I’m not so sure that he wasn’t just watching to see if we would make ‘good’ on what we said we would do.  Each time we presented the same offer to him, ‘do you need anything’.  The reply was always ‘no’.  Kind, but ‘no’.   The 4^th visit, we brought clothing to share with them men, and this time, he did take a nice heavy sweat shirt, and a pair of pants, but I noticed they were going to be too short, but he wanted them anyway.  The pants he was wearing, were about a 40 waist, and he was about 33.  I remembered in the back of my mind that we had a pair of pants in the garage that a worker had used, so I decided to launder them and return to the hospital and give to him.  The following day, we needed to return to the hospital and pick up all our food containers, and the man had moved to another room.  We found him, and he was so surprised that we made the effort to come back with pants that would fit him.   There on his bedside table we saw our Bible tract, and his other clothing very neatly folded.  He was wearing the sweat shirt.  His demeanor had completely changed, and he smiled.  I asked if he would allow a photo, and he smiled and said ‘yes’.   Then he very nicely put his arm around me, and allowed Valeryi to take a photo.  He literally was 180 degrees different then the first day we saw him.  I’m praying for him, and that some how he will come to know Jesus, we planted some seeds, watered them, pray that they grow. 

Really, that is all we are, gardeners in a big field of dirt. There are sections to be planted, some to be watered, some to have weeds pulled, and some to harvest…one never knows where you will be dropped, and what path God is going to take you down when you rise in the morning. Keeping an open mind, prayerful heart, and ‘ready’ feet (and hands) for whatever you may encounter. One day we go to the hospital and meet people from ever area of the ‘garden’…some with a faith that needs encouraging, some with a searching heart that needs direction, some that have a faint knowledge of God that need patience and a listening ear, and some with very hard hearts towards, as that is what war does, at least this war, as it remains so confusing as to WHY this is happening. All require an ear to listen, to listen to their needs, their desires, and their broken hearts. So much paid, grief, loss, it is so difficult, but we perserver, as that is what we are called to do.

Decided to go out and bless some locals today at the trash dumpster.  Getting to people is sometime difficult, and uses alot of gas, so one must be creative. People frequent the trash dumpsters, and there is a chainlink fence around them, so I decide to use this fence as the display area for FREE clothing for those in need. We placed a few signs to encourage people to only take what they needed and leave the rest for others, then we hang the clothing on the fence. Usually within about 15 minutes it is all gone. We have a lot of seasonal clothing, and with spring around the corner, we needed to move out the heavy winter.  We offered it many times to our IDP’s that come on Sundays, but we have so much, and they are 99% walking, they can’t carry clothing and food, so clothing gets left behind.  We did this at several dumpster sites that have fences around them, so what better place to hang the clothing.  Fence Freebies, is what I like to call it, and it was great to just pull up to the fence and hang clothing over it.  Later, I had to go into town and there were only 5 pieces left on the fence, so I just reloaded the fence with more!   What a easy way to …‘Clothe the naked…’ 

March 25, 2015 – We take so much for granted.  A shower, fried potatoes, tea, just simple things…we are so caught up in trivial things, the latest fashion, best car, just things that don’t matter.  Youth are in a hurry to grow up, and do what, work the rest of their lives…in a hurry to find a mate, and sometimes it is just any mate, just to NOT be alone.  Life passed you by and then you are grown, and before you know it, you are full of aches and pains and complaints.  We had the priviledge of serving 4 soldiers this morning for a shower and a big breakfast.    They came in from an all night block post watch, exhausted,  with layers and layers of dirt from weeks without bathing.   It was fun to prepare for our guests, and it was with much pleasure to find towels, soap, shampoo, razors, new under garments…they were so surprised.  They bathed and shaved, and came down stairs for breakfast.  We served a nice breakfast of potatoes with onions and meat, fried eggs, raisin bread, apples, and my banana cake.  We made sure that they were very full, and that they were able to relax before returning to the block post.  They told us over and over that they felt like ‘family’ that we made them very welcome.  Mission accomplished!   For someone to say we are like ‘family’ is the greatest compliment, as though they are guests, they are far from their own families, so we can be that substitute family for them. When they prepared to leave, we prayed over them, then it was many hugs for everyone. Seeds planted, and well watered.

Another day of ‘fence freebies’ as we have more clothing that we just need to ‘move out’.  Dropped off about 20 pieces and within 20 minutes they were gone!  We left a sign this time, proclaiming ‘God’s blessing on them. And to take what they would like, it was FREE.’

Clean clothing – never take that for granted.  Frequently we are given the laundry.  Today it was all from our guests.  Then later we were called and asked to wash 200 sheets from the main compound that the officers are staying in town.  Couldn’t swing that, so we just pick it all up and took to the washing lady in town.  1745gh ($62.00) later, the laundry is to be ready Saturday morning.  I’m so thankful to have this opportunity to serve, even in such a small way. The men are able to shower, but then the sheets are dirty, so clean sheets are needed for the psychological well being of our ‘protectors’.

March 26, 2015 – Too young to die –  Yesterday afternoon Oleg came over with the Commander from the local Peacekeeper unit.  His job is to find people that are basically spies for RU or just giving information to ‘the other side’.  Both Valeryi and Alyona and her boyfriend Sasha, had been approached by some men in a white ‘Lada’ posing as DNR and asking them questions, and Victor wanted interview them to get the information.  We mentioned this to Oleg, and he brought Victor Peterovich over to interview them.  After the interview, he mentioned he wanted to return tomorrow to talk with me about a couple of things.   Absolutely, he is welcome any time…Oleg arrives at 9:30, and Victor around 10.  He is very professional, and introduced himself and explaining his job title and description.  We discussed many things, but the thing I remember the most was his account of what happened at Illoviasck; and the obvious sadness he felt over the loss of so many men.  Good men, good soldiers, and that no one would come to their aid.  As he told us about this, his head was bowed, and he rarely looked up.  He recounted the last week of August, saying that they had been fighting for 5 days straight with no rest at all.  They did not have enough equipment, and they needed back up, but when he asked for just 7 men to come and help, there were no available men to come and help, they were all just barely holding on to their own places.   Victor said that there was only one hour in 5 days that there was no fighting, and it was in that hour they supposedly had this ‘green corridor’, but really, it was a “caravan of death”.  They were told to ‘go’, and they decided to grab as many of the wounded as possible, with most of the men carrying at least one wounded man on their back.  They had to pick and choose ‘who’ they would try to save, because not all men could carry someone, there were too many wounded.  The anguish in this man’s face was beyond describable.  He shared how those that were left behind were ‘finished off by the Russians and chechens’, that they could see and hear them shooting them.  They were running for their lives carrying wounded, which some were shot again and killed, but they continued to carry them as shields for themselves.  It was during this conversation, I found out that one of my friends, from the Peacekeepers, was killed; another taken prisoner.  I can still see that mans face, hear his laugh as he carried food in our center for us to later distribute to others.  He was a very nice guy, too young to die, but then isn’t anyone!  I spent the rest of the day reflecting on the time I had with this young man…yes, I gave him a Bible tract, I remember.  I remember thanking him over and over for helping.  It is this type of news that reminds me to say all I need to say to a person, as that may be your last time to speak.   Victor was clearly traumatized by the battle, and needed to ‘vent’.  There is no ‘therapists’ here in UA, no one to talk it over with, you just ‘suck it up and go on.’  Ukraine is just void of this much needed psychological help.  So many soldiers have seen so much, too much for their young lives, and they need to be allowed to work through this.  There is no avenue.   My heart ached for this man, and the obvious pain he was in. We welcomed him to come and visit anytime, if we needed respite from his surroundings…it isn’t much (that we offer), but it is respite, hot shower, home cooked food, the laughter of children, a guitar to strum, and of course prayer.

March 6, 2015 Arrived in Kyiv without issues, and that was great.  Visiting Kyiv, you would never know that this country is in a battle for their sovereignty and have very little chance to win this battle. russia has already taken Crimea, and parts of the east, and though we were able to regain some of what was lost, it came with a price, of many lives. In Kyiv, people mill around laughing, enjoying life, while just 700 KM away innocent people are dying. But I was glad for calm flights, short connections, and Victor was waiting with Eugina was translating, as Valeryi was busy.  It was great to finally meet him.   We hit the ground running, as usual, so many things to find and purchase, and make sure that you get the most ‘bang for your buck’.  With limited funds, we go to 2 stores to ‘shop it out’.  Victor knows a pharmacy that gives about 40% off, so we place our order for Thursday pick-up.   Finally fall into bed, exhaustion has overcome me, and I’m not thinking straight at all, between the flights, racing through airports, time change, and all the days activities, I’m borderline delirious.  

Very restful sleep, just not enough, needed about 5 hours more.   We have a super busy day, picking up things, and packing to leave.  The plan is to leave by 3 p.m..   Victor has injured his back, and won’t be driving us to Dzerzhinsk, but Vladimir and Alexander will.  Getting around Kyiv is a lengthy process, traffic is unforgiving and we finally pull out of Kyiv at 6:30 p.m..   Drove all night, hitting check point after check point, never knowing if we were going to be denied access, or what?  They don’t like to allow civilians into the conflict zone, let alone foreigners, and an American, and the to top it off a woman! They literally look at me like I’m ‘nuts’, the wave us through.   Finally arrived in Dzerzhinsk around 8 a.m. exhausted.  While the men unloaded the van, I went to the kitchen and started cooking breakfast, as they were all hungry from a long and high stress drive.  We all ate, and they rested.   Seemed quiet, and just like old times.  But never get too comfortable.

Vlad and Sasha wanted to go to the ‘front’ and encourage the men, and drop off aid to them.  Valeryi and I definitely wanted to be a part of that, so around 12 we went to town to drop off the medicine we bought for the Dr. overseeing the medical treatment of the soldiers, and met with some of the soldiers.  The Dr. made some calls, and the next thing we knew, Oleg Vasilenko was in the office ready to take us to the ‘front’.   Seems his soldier friends are all at the ‘water canal’ blockpost, and since it was relatively quiet, it was safe for us to go up and visit them. 

I have never been to a military blockpost, I had been to the encampment at the stadium, but not a place so close to the front lines. I prayed all the way there, thinking it was a distance away, and then all of a sudden, we were ‘there’… it was just 2-3 miles from the edge of Dzerzhinsk. Reality check, we are extremely close to the shelling…

All the way to the block post my heart was pounding…we veered to the left at the fork in the road, and headed in the direction Ghorlovka, via the road to Niketocova, but the road at the water canal was blown out.  We drove about 1 mile and saw a UA army van stopped on the side of the road, and the men flagged us down.  They told us that fighting had resumed, and we needed to ‘wait here’ for a while.   We got out of our van, as we had no idea how long the wait would be, and for us, we had no idea how far away the ‘front’ was.  So we watched as the men worked on the back right wheel and axile of the van.  The men were very nice, and much of the aid was given to them, though some kept to give to the men at the front, if we could get there.   The gun battle was very loud, and there was a lot of talking on radios and phones.  The men decide they need some part from town, and 2 leave in another vehicle towards town.  They are gone about 15 minutes, all the while, there is fierce gun battle, and we are all just literally praying for ‘our’ men.   The next thing we know, there is a car coming from the direction of town, and it is FLYING, they tell us to ‘get back’, and the car pulls up, men jump out, and pull a tire from the trunk, and 3 more men jump into the car and they take off to the ‘front’.    Within minutes the gun battle escalates, and there are many booms, bangs, and automatic weapon firings.  We patiently wait and pray, and talk to the men who resumed working on the disabled van.  They get the tire back on, and they are ready to go.  We are told to wait.  

Just as quick as the fighting started, it ended, and from the time the men zoomed off in the car, to the time we received a call that all was quiet, that we ‘could come up to the front’, was about 15 minutes.  We reload into the van, and start driving, thinking that we had a mile or 2 to get there, and unbeknownst to me, we drive about 400 meters, and there is the blockpost!  We were that close!  We quickly climb out, and grab aid for the men.  We pass one area that are 2 concrete pilings, 2 men are behind and are ‘lookouts’.  Then we come to the open field, and walk about 30 yards, up the incline to the actual baracaide, where there are approximately 18 men.  We can see in the far distance across the once water canal pipe over-pass, that there are at least 4 men on the other side that we can see, but we are told there are more.  We quickly take a tour of the place that these men ‘call home’, cook, sleep, fight…that is it.   We talk and give them some supplies, take some photos, and then encircle them and pray over them.    They thank us profusely.  More equipment is being brought in, when all of a sudden gun fire breaks out.  We look at each other and start to run to the car, when Oleg says, ‘stop, we need to go together as a group’.   Oleg, myself, and Vladimir call to Valeryi and Sasha (who are both admiring the automatic big gun that was just brought in; but they don’t seem to hear us.  The 3 of us take off running, and we get to the clearing in the field, and they start firing at us.  I clearly remember that, as I ran for my life to the van.  I turned and Valeryi was finally coming…Sasha was way far behind.  I turned on my camera and filmed Sasha running through the clearing, like a moving target, but he made it back to the van safely. Total craziness, but we accomplished what we set forth, to encourage the men, and we could clearly see the trust we put in God to come that far to just give them gifts and talk to them. 

We returned to the hospital where I had left my car, and Oleg insisted that we come to his place for tea.  I’m thinking, after that experience, I need some TEA for sure.  I really have a clearer understanding of the PTSD that these men are feeling, and really any soldier or civilian in the area.  Just the short time I was there, I was still shaking from the experience. 

IT IS A SMALL WORLD

We really do live in a small world.  We arrive at Oleg’s place, and we go in and meet his wife, Lyuba, and I’m thinking, she looks familiar…then we go in and sit down and start to talk, and Oleg tells me that his son worked on our building!  Precisely, he laid all the bathroom tile!  I immediately asked about his foot, since while laying the tile, he sliced the top of his foot open with a hand saw, while cutting tiles.  They could not believe that I remembered that, or even cared, and were appreciative that I cared so much.   Oleg is anxious to show photos of his family, and while looking at the photos I notice a girl, Liliya, who used to work at the ‘shelter’, and had since moved to Novghovosk to live and worked at the internot (Children’s Shelter) there.   She and her husband even adopted a little girl from the Dzerzhinsk shelter. I asked, ‘who is this girl.’ And Oleg answered, ‘that is my daughter…’ and we said simultaneously, ‘Liliya’.  The mom and dad both looked at me as if to say, ‘how did you know that.’  And I proceeded to tell them that I have known their daughter for 15 years, as she worked at the local shelter.  They were in disbelief.   It was a great afternoon of fellowship with fellow believers, sharing of old times, and new experiences, and prayers for Ukraine.  I invited Oleg and his family to services, and offered any assistance with the soldiers that he may need.   His wife is cooking 2 meals a day for the men, so she is exhausted, and her kitchen literally has a 12 in x 12in counter space.  

We said our ‘goodbyes’ to Vlad and Sasha praying over them for a safe journey, as they were returning to Kyiv, and us to the center.  We were still exhausted from the all night drive, and still had not unpacked one thing. 

Exhausted to the bone, we unpacked and then headed to the center where Nastia and Artum arrived, so very happy to see us.  They immediately called other kids and the next thing we knew Olya, Rada and Artur arrived.  It was a happy reunion!!  

Saturday – the sounds of bombs in the distance, and machine gun fire most of the night, but during the day, it is relatively quiet with only a few unexpected bombs, ‘here and there’.  Of course, that is the alarming part, you never know when it is going to launch.  Kids arrived at the center at 2, and it was a time of reconnection, and catching up.  Had 2 families come for aid, but we are now only giving aid on Sunday’s, once a month.  This is against my best judgment, as what about those families that arrive the day after the distribution!  So, basically, we allow Sasha to believe what he wants, and we continue to distribute as needed, but now requesting documents from the families, as we want to make sure they aren’t just selling the food at the market, since food is scarce.    We did find that people were faking their ‘need’, if you can believe that!   But this is only a few, so can’t condemn a whole country for the greed of a few.

Our first Sunday was amazing.., 47 people, they just kept coming, and the majority wanted food and diapers.  Those are the ‘mainstays’, food and diapers.  Forget clothing, they want food.  What we have found though, is that some really don’t need, but that they are stock piling food, for when they project that there will be food.  Prices are over the top, and continue to climb.  The U.S. dollar has amazing exchange and purchase power, but for those using only ghrivna, they are seeing their once 3gh bread, now climb to 10gh, and they still have not received a pension in 2 months, or a salary in 3.  People are fairly desperate.  Banks are only allowing for ‘withdraws’ on a few days, but getting money on your card remains consistent.   Lines at the banks are very long, as some have relatives that are sending funds from other cities, and they are able to take ghrivnas out of the bank in 500 increments.  Nothing smaller.  Small markets only take cash, and some people can only put money on their cards.  Stores that take cards, increase their prices to gouge people, so even in this terrible time, people are greedy against their own people.  It is a vicious circle, in that they don’t have money, then someone offers to send money, at which it only goes on a card, which provides them money, but at limited stores, which remove a  .5 % for the handling fee..     That doesn’t seem like much, but wages haven’t increased at all, and in some situations, people are not getting paid at all.  Pensions are 3 months in the ‘rears’, and people just do not have money for food, or anything. 

Reinforcements

Activities around Dzerzhinsk are a bit interesting.  We are seeing more and more UA army trucks pulling in, tanks, and artiliery.  This is comforting, yet at the same time it can’t help but bring us to the conclusion they are preparing for ‘something’.  That ‘something’ is what is scary.  I don’t really know ‘how’ to prepare, I have boxes packed, but furniture is not, we will lose everything, if UA is not able to withstand the force of RU.  We are prayerful and hopeful.

After the Sunday ‘rush’ at the church, we were able to serve 45 families, which is what we were aiming for.  We had people coming all afternoon, and we were able to give them ‘something’, even if it was not a full box.    Monday we will be assessing the process, and looking at how we can improve the efficiency of the distribution.  So many people in need, on top of so much corruption, makes it difficult to see who needs, and who does not.  We must create a way to curb the corruption, yet show the love of Christ, in this very dark place.

Monday, called Julia, a fellow volunteer here in Dz.  to check and see how we can assist in their work.  They have been helping and continue to serve basically the soldiers.  We are serving both IDP’s (Internally Displaced Person’s) and soldiers.  They needed a few things that we have on hand.  God continues to amaze me, that when I don’t think I have something, I will find it, and be able to give it to the cause.   Rich and I basically decided that I would pack up the houses and when leaving fill the van, and drive to Kyiv with a full van.  By doing this, it has given me the opportunity to really sort through things, and give away a lot of things we just don’t need.  It is really great, and has been good to see the blessings that these things that we were not using, but could bless another.   We never want to ‘store up treasures in barns to decay’, but want it to go to someone to ease their burden of the situation.

In Ukraine, (and probably other countries), if you are in the hospital, your family needs to provide for you, food, sheets, medicine… basically all the hospital staff does is ‘administer’ the medicine you have purchased at the hospital pharmacy…talk about a ‘racket’! Remembering that the soldiers in our community are not from our community, thus they have no one to do any of this, and the military does not provide assistance to their own men/women. We bring sheets, towels, clothing, but most of all, FOOD. We have 3 groups that take turns providing 2 very hearty meals a day to the wounded. Never in my life did I think that this housewife from Tallahassee, FL that all she wanted to do was help children, would now be seeing wounded military people, and serving them food, fulfilling clothing requests, praying over them…never did I envision this…but here I am, this is where God had placed me. Total reliance on Him, because, Teresa…well, Teresa wants to go home, back to safe and comfortable America, but this is where He has placed me, so I must trust that this is where I’m to be.

We started our hospital visitation, and with Julia met 17 soldiers that needed help.  They were very much ‘alone’, and didn’t even have a pair of pants to change into.  Some were receptive to help, others not so much, but when they realized that we were there to help, they were more ‘open’.   We took orders to clothing sizes, as we would return later with the evening meal, and if time allowed, I would get the clothing to take with me. Some of the men ventured out of the hospital in their uniforms, and were beat up by local resisters, so they have asked for some civilian clothes so they could (if they could), go to the local market and get snacks and drinks, if needed. And since I constantly ship clothing to UA, I had a surplus of clothing, and gladly brought it for distribution.

We met Yuri today, about 28 years old, had half his nose torn off by shrapnel, we arrived to his room, last on the end of the hall, and there he sat on the bed, in full combat clothing, boots, jacket, gun, just sitting on the bed.  I think we startled him, but then after thinking, I think he was in ‘shock’.  Not from us, but from going from combat, to wounded, to sitting in a room all by himself, quiet.  That is a shock to the system, to say the very least.  Goding from the intense noise to complete quiet, it is very difficult… We introduced ourselves, and offered clothing for him to change to something more comfortable.  He took the clothing, but he really just looked ‘numb’.  It was very sad…he was very dirty, and just looked exhausted, both physically and mentally.  He even commented, ‘I’m just so tired.’   We didn’t stay long, but gave him our number and said, ‘please call if you need something.’   I wanted to cry, but I knew, I could not, that would not be the right thing to do…crying is for later, alone in my house, where no one can see your pain…people (soldiers and civilians) are still in shock that this is even happening to them, and that their ‘relatives’ (the russians) are attacking them. I don’t know Yuri’s back story, as everyone has one…don’t know where he is from, does he have a family…just that he is clearly in shock and no one is helping him at all. He was placed at the end of the hall on purpose; but I’m going to return in the evening to bring him food, and check on him.

Next were 3 men in a room, had just arrived, and were in need of personal care bags.  Many years ago, I coined that phrase, and designed the bags so that they would provide immediate items for those in immediate need.  Toothbrush and paste, comb/brush, soap, shampoo, lotion, wash clothing, black socks, pen and pencil, chap stick, and extras like dental floss, conditioner, flashlights, and always a scripture tract.  The men love it, as they don’t really have all those items.  We also offer the men, Bibles, Suduko, ‘street clothing’, slippers, towels and blankets, if they need.    We are now feeding the wounded soldiers 3 times a week, with another group helping the other times.    Each time we see the men we encourage them, and learn more and more about them.  Each time it encouraged me, but also saddens me that they feel so isolated, since our town is so divided.  People think that if the war just stopped, and the fighting stopped that RU would just ‘go home’.  They won’t, and the RU news is full of lies and misinformation.  Many people sit glued to their t.v.’s the only source of news, and believe whatever is said, but it is like this in many countries.

March 17, 2015 – The fixers!  God’s always amazes me with the paths that He takes me down.  After meeting Oleg Vasinlenko on the day we arrived in Dz. (March 6, 2015), and realizing that we have several common friends; he was feeling more comfortable calling and asking for help with serving the army.  We were called this morning to go to ‘New York’ and meet the 2 new batallions that just arrived for ‘reinforcements’.  We gladly did this, and took along blankets, socks, clothing and a few snacks.  We wanted to go and assess the situation and see what we could assist them with before we took things that they didn’t need.  We departed Dzershinsk and made our way to ‘New York’.  Arriving we found a plethora of military trucks, most VERY old, about 15 men, as the rest were at the block post.  They were happy to see us, and greeted us kindly.  That is one thing I can say, is that the UA army men are very nice, polite and grateful for help.   We explained who we were, and that we were here to HELP with whatever we were able to help with.  They shared that they needed blankets, bedding, anything to sleep on; truck spark plugs and wires, and they would appreciate food.  We set up for the food delivery , made a list of all their needs and we left.  My wheels were turning in my head, as I knew we could assist them…as we are the fixers! 

October 23, 2014:   Sometimes we must make hard decisions…decisions that may or may not have life long consequences.  Decisions that when you make, you don’t know what may happen.   You hope and pray that you are following the heart of God, you have prayed, fasted, sought advice, then you step out. You step out in ultimate faith, and watch for God to arrive and show himself.   Today, I boarded the plane to return to Donetsk oblast.  I was apprehensive, but felt this was indeed what I was to do.  The plane ride was uneventful, moving through the channels of the airport, that I always have, in sort of a rote memory.  I don’t even know how many trips I have made to Ukraine since 1998, maybe 30-40…lost count there have been so many.

After arriving, we stay in Kyiv to assess the situation, make food and supply purchases, before setting out to Dzerzhinsk. I had left the van at my friend and pastors very large church in Kyiv, so that when I did return, we could load it up and take supplies to Dzerzhinsk. The plan worked well, with exception that the roads are horrible, terrible on a vehicle, and everyone carries 1-2 extra tires, and a tire pump for any distance driving.

October 30, 2014 :  Today Edward and I left for Dz.  Before we even got out of Kyiv, we passed a few army vehicles, heading to the east.   Next we hit road construction, which last till Kharkiv, we make no ‘time’ at all, and arrive to Kharkiv by 2, but missed the turn, and go through the city.  The traffic is terrible, and it takes an hour and a half to get through, Edward wasn’t watching the road, and that cost us precious time.  I must get to Slavyansk before 5 to turn in some documents for my registration.  Now I will be forced to drive like a crazy person, and then we hit the block posts.  There are many more the further you go east.    

October 31, 2014 – 9:00 a.m. Kramatorsk, heard my first machine gun fire on this trip.  We headed for Edward’s sister’s apartment, again to assess the situation, before driving the 2 hours back to Dzerzhinsk. The apartment was warm, so I opened the window, and in the distance, I could hear it, at least that is what I thought it was…it didn’t sound like a jack hammer or tool, but distinct gun fire.  It isn’t a good feeling, my stomach starts to ‘turn’, and though I know we will be driving right back into it, I’m trusting God to place His hedge around us.

Edward and I leave, and head down the road to our next stop, but not before having to wait 30+ minutes at a huge blockpost.  When we leave, we see the cars are backed up about 1 kilometer!  We get through without problems, and move on others are not so blessed, and have to unload their cars and trucks.  We have another blockpost in Drzucofka, but no problems there, and we arrive at the facility for mentally and physically challenged adults (18+) in Drzucofka, where they have combined the boys facility of Shaktursk with this girls facility.  We arrived and they are glad to see us, and receive the diapers, and other aid.  One never knows the reaction you are going to receive when you knock at the door…maybe just slammed in your face.    After a few calls, the director was happy to see us, and gladly accepted our donations.   It was especially rewarding to see the kids, and hug a few.   It is important to hug on the kids, as they don’t get a lot of hugs, or visitors for that matter.   Touch is very important for them. We asked about Zhenya, from Dzerzhinsk, and they didn’t remember him…as I could not remember his ‘surname’.  Sadly, we walked to the van, and came across a group of older boys in the courtyard playing.  They were standing around the van gawking at the cokes and apples.  I walked up, and they surrounded me, begging for cokes!!!   As I looked at the 8 boys, I immediately noticed one and thought, ‘my, that looks like Zhenya’, but I wasn’t positive, he had grown so much.   But when our eyes met, there was this ‘I think I know you look in his face.  Then I asked if his name was Zhenya, and he said, ‘yes’!   It was such a happy reunion, and I asked him, if he remembered me…he replied ‘yes’, and I do think he did.   Considering we have known him since he was 3 yrs. old, when he was in the shelter in Dzerzhinsk, but due to his mental capacity I wasn’t sure he’d remember, but he DID!!! We visited for a while, and when it was time to leave, he didn’t want to ‘let go of my neck’..it was difficult, but I was able to hold back the tears, as I really didn’t know when I would see him again. Then it was time for us to head back to Dz.  I assured the director that I would return with items she had asked for.   

Edward decided that it was too late for him to go ‘on with me, so I left him at the train station in Konstantinavka.  It is funny, because one of the reasons I brought him was to go all the way with me to Dz.  To make sure I didn’t have any problems at any of the blockposts, and there is a very big blockpost at the ‘fork’ in the road, which is the last one, before driving into the real ‘danger zone’…so much for that thought…so here I go alone, into the unknown.   But God is with me, for that I’m sure.  So I sing and pray my way to Dzerzhinsk.  I get to the blockpost, and the men all remember me, see my passport, and my van full of aid to give away, and they flag me through…so I get there without troubles, and it is good to see Valia, who is at the Children’s Center working with the kids.    I share with Valia the situation with Edward leaving me, and we rejoice that the Lord got me ‘home’ safely. Everything is fine at the houses.

Night is always a time of noise…it seems as though they think, ‘if I can’t see my target, then maybe it won’t matter what I’m hitting…’  I don’t know, it just seems that way to me, as there is usually a lot of noise in the evening.   Tonight is no different…the guns start about 9 p.m.   and then the bombs in the distance.   Since it is Friday night, we were not able to call the internet company to get them to restart the internet, so that means no internet, no speaking to the family…no outside communication…until Monday.  

So I’m sitting at the center using the internet, the only source to the ‘real world’ so I’m able to talk with Rich and the family, but he doesn’t like me walking back to the house from the center alone… anyway, I finally walk back home try to get some sleep, but gunfire keeps me up most of the night.  The machine guns just don’t stop.

Saturday, Valia works, so she won’t be at the center, but I go, and the usual kids show up, Olya, Rada, Zhenya, Nastia and Angel, and then comes Artur .  We greet, and it is always good to see the kids again, just difficult with out a translator.   We have a good day, but I can see the need for outreach, food for the poor and weary.  So my task is to figure out how to discern where best to spend the funds I have been entrusted with. 

Saturday night lends itself to another night of ‘noise’, with machine guns most of the night.  Bombs are in the far distance.   Seeing that the check points have seemed to move ‘out’, it is hopeful that the UA territory is expanding, and that the terrorists are being pushed back, or it may just be a ‘sick’ cat and mouse game that Putin is playing on the Ukrainians.  This is war, upclose and personal, Ukraine did nothing to provoke this, putin is just greedy and more powerful, to push his weight around…it is very sad to watch this unfold. Each day one never knows just what will happen…will they make some bold move to take another small village, sniper kill more UA soldiers, bomb more villages, you just don’t know, but you pray for them all, and pray that this will end, and they will return to russia..

Sunday, a great time to reunite with the church members!!   Great to see Valia, and we strategize the time that I will be here.   We must make the most of everyday, because if the situation changes, I must leave.  Organization is an important factor for any successful ministry, this is no different, in addition to incorporating the local officials is important too.  Monday we will go to the city department and get any information to help people displaced by this crazy war. 

Sunday night noisy again, I finally drift off to sleep around 1 a.m. due to the noise… I’m awakened around 3 to bright lights outside, and the sounds of war.   Dear Lord, I’m staying under your wings of steel, and safety; there is so much work, so many that need help, I’m here for YOU.  

God has put this on my heart, after comments on social media.    No one is safe, no one…whether you live in U.S., Syria, Paris….Dearest friends, do not have a false sense of security living in US, danger is all around us.  When people say to me, ‘oh I want you ‘home’, ‘please come home’; I truly appreciate this, but it is not that I’m on a vacation…these types of comments diminish this work, those that are being fed ONLY because we are here to help them, using YOUR money to buy them food.  If I were in the ‘comfort’ and ‘safety’, of my U.S. home, this would not be happening here in UA.  Granted some work does continue in my absence, but there is no one to physically TAKE food to the elderly, other cities, even across town.  I love each of you, but God has called me to serve; He never said it would be safe.  I haven’t seen a place in the scriptures of people praying ‘come home, you are in danger;’ quite the contrary; we are to step out in faith, and know that God will protect, and if not, then the testimony is in our death.  Each of us are called by God to DO something; how you choose to define this, and act according to how God is speaking to you.  Discounting another person’s choices based on ‘safety’, ( which no one is guaranteed where ever they live), is insensitive to that person’s ability to discern.    I know where I need to be, God has placed this burden on my heart for these innocent people, by no action (or inaction) on their part, they are now in the path of bullets and bombs, running for their lives, trying to protect themselves, their loved ones, what they have worked their lives to obtain, through no fault of their own, they are literally living on the edge. I hope that you will support us in prayer and any action you are able to do, to show that you support these innocent people in their plight to regain their independence.

Going back to U.S. is such a culture shock.  People are so caught up in things that really don’t matter, things of no consequence, but things that only bring more drama into their empty lives.  I think about those I left behind;  mothers worried about where they will get money for bread for their children, while those here worry about ballet lessons, the latest fashion, and entertainment.  My heart breaks for those that were born to such a life, and those that were born here to so much.  Injustice.   We like to say, and it has been preached, ‘we were born here in this land of plenty, and blessed beyond compare, so that we can inturn bless others, but the truth of the matter, is that many don’t bless others with their over abundance of ‘plenty’, they just buy MORE for themselves.   It is a hard road to walk, and I struggle with the same…who doesn’t want nice things for their family? We all do, we want no one to suffer needlessly, but where and when does it cross the line to ‘too much’…gold toilets, when another has no toilet at all… Is there true sacrificial giving?  Really?  What have ‘we’ done without so that someone else could have the minimum?    It is a question we can all ask ourselves

I remember my friend Elizabeth D., she and her family gave up cable T.V. for one year and gave what would have been their monthly ‘bill money’ to help orphans in China!  Granted, cable isn’t a huge sacrifice, but it is at least something; that everyone felt the ‘sting’.  A year later when I spoke with Elizabeth about this, she said, ‘our family got closer, we talked more, played family games…reconnected….it was a good thing, and children in China benefitted too.’  A win – win, sounds good.    A challenge for myself and others.   What I can say, is that while in UA, I didn’t watch T.V.  I tried to watch the Jewish Network, but after the separatists invaded, they took that station, and eventually, took them all.  Russian propaganda is all that is on T.V., even showing planes that are attacking ground structures trying to get people to believe that Ukraine is being the aggressor. The problem is, if you really look at the news segments, you can see on the sides of the plane other country flags, but you have to look. They ‘fuzz’ the video to try and fool people, and they do a pretty good job of it; but anyway, the point is that I didn’t have news, just the internet, when that was working, and then I can get the BBC, and U.S. news programs.  I spent hours just talking to God…as I had no one else to talk to.  We had conversations about life, about others, just everything.  By doing this, when the war ‘storm’ imposed itself on me, I had a calm assurance, He was with me, and truly felt his protection.    I don’t feel that here in the U.S.  We are way tooo self reliant on not only people, but ‘things’.  In addition, we are very comfortable with our lifestyle.  We don’t ‘need’ God, because we can fix everything ourselves.  It is very sad for me to see, as I see this with my family, friends and even myself at times. I usually think I don’t want to ‘bother’ God will my trivial problems, when that is exactly what He is waiting for, for us to come to Him with everything.   I’m not sure what it will take to get them to ‘come around’…prayerfully NOT a civil war.

9/7/14 –  First Sunday, and it is an odd welcome.  Not a word in the services about my arrival.  It isn’t about ME, but about our fellow brothers and sisters in the trenches in UA.  Prayer for THEM.  Praying for the innocent that are caught in the cross-fire. Prayer for Ukraine.  So many suffering, and it just seems that no one cares.  It is baffling. When people are not mentioned in prayer, when it isn’t acknowledged that there are people, suffering and DYING, there is a problem.  Lord, help me to discern what to do about this.   I cannot just sit idlely by and not acknowledge our friends suffering.  This isn’t ‘right’, it isn’t what the Bible teaches at all.  So why do I sit and do nothing?   So the service goes on, people being told that God wants us to be happy, wants us to rejoice in Him; this isn’t about US, our happiness, what about others, their suffering, our lack of mercy for them??   This is what I want to hear about…people being brought to conviction about their lives, lifestyles, convicted to DO something that will effect someone else, not we must live a life that satisfies themselves.  I don’t know what to make of all this, but I’m prayerful as to what to DO about it.

9/9/2014 – 9/9/2014 – On the phone with Valia, as the shelling continues in Dz.  So much for the ceasefire.   She says that they bought food today and will distribute to 5 displaced families on Friday.  I don’t understand the ‘wait’, but it could be that they could not get there.   She talked about buying food for the church members, but I’m not so sure about this…as when they could have FREE food, they didn’t want it, so I’m not so sure about going and buying food, that they may not even eat.    Humm….  They seem somewhat prideful in many ways, for been so needy.   Our funds have been drastically depleted, as many people think that we have pulled out of eastern Ukraine, where it is just the opposite, we are still here, and the work has increased due to so many people fleeing the unprovoked attack of Russia.

I was reading over the battle at Ilovaisk trying to get a sense of what happened… so scary the way the UA men were led to believe one thing and then something else happened.  Over 300 of the 600 were just gunned down after they had been told they had safe passage through a large open field. They were gunned down.    There must be investigation for this, and punishment.  So many just gone, my heart just hurts for these men and their families. Putin is such a snake, he must be held accountable. The knowledge of eternal accountability is understood, I just can’t imagine if my loved one was told, and given the impression if they laid their weapon down, they would be given a ‘green corridor’ to cross the field back to UA, and instead they were slaughtered like ‘sitting ducks’. Who does that? Who structs others to do that? Only evil, pure evil.!

I’m gearing up to return to Ukraine, and the ticket is bought, and I will leave late October. It is certainly a bitter-sweet to leave my family, and return. My sweet granddaughter just cries and cries when I leave, begging me to stay. It is extremely difficult to say ‘good-bye’… Once the good-bye’s are done, I get on the plane and start to get my head back in the frame of mind to be watchful of everyone…it is very stressful to always be ‘on’, sometimes one needs to let their guard down, but just when you do that, ‘boom’ the shelling starts…